Lily Evans' almost perfect life
by LolliBea
Summary: Lily Evans' life just started getting perfect, when her world was turned upsidedown, insideout, and she has to start at the bottom again. and then just when she thought it couldn't take anymore twists and turns, it comes to an abrubt halt.
1. Perfection

**Disclaimer:** JK Rowling owns this Stuff. I am not JK Rowling.

**Summary:** Lily Evans' life just started getting perfect, when, her world was turned upside-down, inside-out, and she has to start at the bottom again. and then just when she thought it couldn't take anymore twists and turns, it comes to an abrubt halt.

**Chapter 1: Starry night**

O.W.L.s were over, The stress was gone, Lily felt like a bird, flying free, she wanted to dance, to sing! To throw all her papers into the lake and watch them drift lazily into the reflection of the sunset, and laugh.

She settled on just watching the sun slip slowly behind the mountains, with her friends, none of which she had been particularly Close to. However, she now felt sorry about saying goodbye to them for the summer, they could be fun on occasion, and she would miss them.

When the sun was almost gone, a loud bout of Bark-like and loud laughter came from the old beech tree.

"Hey, Ladies," every girl in the vicinity tuned their heads to hear James Potter shouting out towards them, Lily remained staring forcibly at the Lake. "Come have a drink with us!" Sirius joined in shouting "To the End of Exams," and drained his glass. The four girls around Lily got up. The nearest, Olivia (the only person Lily could consider for the position of Best Friend), Pulled on her arm, and when she would not budge Meg, grabbed her other arm and they pulled her up in a joint effort.

Most of the girls skipped, or half-ran to the Marauders, But Lily. She dragged her feet, Celebrating with the marauders was not her idea of fun. However, they were not all bad, Remus Lupin, for example, He was a prefect, and all though he let his friends slip, he seemed like a handsome law abiding citizen. Her walk seemed less of a chore at this thought.

When she arrived, there were at least ten extra people, she took a seat on the grass next to Olivia, who was flirting with Sirius, Who was sitting next to Remus, who seemed a bit less enthused about the idea of the Party that James, who was next to him, was suggesting that they have in the common room.

Sirius handed over a Butterbeer to the girls around him, "Evans," he said with a fake wink, handing over the bottle, slippery with sweat. The air was hot and think and when the sun has disappeared and taken all it's light with it, James jumped at the opportunity of throwing a party in the common room, as Sirius now suggested, in protest to the darkening sky.

Lily spotted a few stars on the eastern horizon, and lay down to watch the rest emerge as everyone slowly dispersed towards the castle in bunches and pairs. She smiled when only silence was left on the grounds, echoing melodiously off the stone walls.

Quite a few minutes went by before someone _else_ sighed at the peeking of the waning moon above the mountains. She sat up quickly and looked around the edge of the tree. There sat Remus Lupin, just as she had been, looking up into the sky, however, he now had his eyes closed. She wondered loosely if she should say something. Finally she decided on "Hello." He sat up quickly and looked wildly around before focusing on her. "How long have you been there?" She asked.

"Since after History of Magic O.W.L. this afternoon," He smiled nervously. Lily nodded in response. He was kind to make a nervous joke. "And what may I ask, were you doing over there?"

"Spying on you of course." Lily smiled.

"Not much of an interesting subject I'm afraid." He scooted around the tree to sit next to her.

"Okay, I lied," She smiled, again this time it stuck to her face, he was looking her directly in the eyes, that always made her stomach flip; that sincere eye contact is not the kind you make when you're talking, but the kind of connection you make when someone tries to stare intently into your soul and take it. "I'm a hopeless romantic watching the stars come out."

"Me too." he laughed, and looked back on the lake, her stomach went back to it's usual place, slowly. "As long as we're out here, doing the same thing, would you care to do it together?"

"Oh, that would be just lovely." Lily smiled, swooping feelings returning, and slid over next to him.

So, they sat there in silence, watching the moon rise above the mountains, and it's reflection, slide towards them on the lake. Finally it broke free of it's mountainous captor, and Lily watched it kind of skip the next few feet quickly and sighed, sitting her back on the tree. "Oh, It's so beautiful," she said quietly, looking over at Remus, expecting him to have seen the moon's Liberation. But he was sitting very close to her, looking intently at her, when she saw him, her heart skipped a beat.

"Yeah," He said quietly, "you are." Blood rushed to her head, everything was tingly and happy feeling, and he continued to look at her with a soul-catching stare, all she could do was grin. Adrenaline rushed through her every vein, causing her to have no idea who first closed the gap between them. She did however know that he was a very good kisser, he knew just what to do, and just how to do it.

Surely there was nothing inside of her now, she was the Mylar balloon version of Lily Evans, she drifted up to Heaven, and seemed un-poppable. However, her world burst in the middle of her adventures and she was looking at a sad-faced Remus Lupin. His hand slipped from the back of her neck. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have done that."

She still couldn't form words in her mouth while she was still tingling from his touch. She could hardly keep her eyes open. If he shouldn't have done this, then why was he still so close? She wondered. Finally she shook herself awake, "Yes, yes you should have done that," she said very forcefully, "And you should do it again, several times."

He smiled sheepishly, "I dunno,"

"Well, I do know," she picked up one of his hands and placed it around her waist, "and speaking from experience I say, that you should to that again." His smile changed quite rapidly from sheepish to mischievous, a smile not often seen on Remus Lupin at all, and Lily Evans liked it. No- she loved it. Putting his hand on it's rightful place, the back of her neck, he pulled her back to his lips, and this time Lily fought to stay conscious. . .

Lily didn't walk back to her dorm, she floated, on clouds of Euphoria. No one was awake, that meant it had to be late. But she didn't mind, getting up late just meant no questions. She flopped down on her bed. It took her a while to get to sleep but when she did it was very peace filled, and _almost_ dreamless.

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**A/N**: how was the first Chapter? not anything like the next ones at all in any way. but I'd still love your _Reviews!_


	2. or not

DISCLAIM:

**A/N:** this is the chapter in which Lily's whole world begins it's journey down mr.toad's wild ride.

- - - - -

**Chapter 2**

_Black hooded figures surrounded her, dark and suffocating, illuminated by eerie green light, they moved quickly around her but never touched her. She felt the deepest grief wash over her, pain. Tears, hot and sticky dripping down her face. Everything went white. There was a high pitched whistle and Lily Evans woke with a start._

However, when she sat up in her bed it was not her bed at all, but a bed she had never ever seen before. Her head started spinning, she was dizzy and felt sick, figures danced around her bed and she would have screamed if she wasn't throwing up.

All the bad things came up, feelings included, out of her system and onto the floor with a sickening splat, a few people screamed others groaned. Her mouth tasted terrible but her stomach and mind were calmer. When she opened her eyes, familiar faces and many more unfamiliar persons were sitting around her bed on chairs or otherwise standing, looking nervous, and without sleep. Her face was both covered in cold sweat, and hot and sticky from the tears she cried in her sleep.

"What-" was all she could say, she sounded more feeble and felt weak than she felt and couldn't think of anything else to say, so she said it again. "What?" a few more words came to mind and they got jumbled up and came out as "Wherehowdid-?"

Finally a friendly old woman in a dark green cloak laid her back down on her bed and said, "Calm down, Miss Evans," kindly.

"Who-" also popped into her mind but "are you?" never got out, for the woman answered her promptly.

"I am, Mrs. Georgiana Potter," She tucked the blankets around Lily, "I am a healer and I have been taking care of you. You can call me Mother, if you wish, everyone else does." Lily smiled before realization dawned upon her. She looked up to the foot of the bed, there, sitting in three chairs, looking somber as she had never seen them, were Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter. _Potter_. Mrs. Potter -

"What-" she was going to ask "is going on." but Mrs. Potter seemed to be telepathic.

"You took a nasty, nasty fall, and you've been out for a couple days."

"Where-" came but never did "are we," for the question was answered before she could finish thinking it.

"You are at my house," her kind smile faltered, "We've taken you in."

"What?" this question, was met with different procedure however; Everyone looked at each other with a worried glance, Mrs. Potter looked over to a tall Man with messy pepper colored hair who nodded his head, somberly. He must be Mr. Potter. _Minister_ Potter.

"Darling," She said quietly, "what is the last thing you remember?"

Lily thought for a second, "I remember-" going to bed, and- She glanced at Remus nervously. His eyes widened, did he not expect her to remember? Or did she dream that? She could have easily fallen asleep looking out at the stars. Either way, he looked away from her. "Going to bed." she said quietly, and unsure, "The last day of exams, we were to get up the next morning to go home . . ." Home. She sat up. Why was she not at home? Where was her family? She looked wildly around, no Mother, no Father, no Petunia . . .

"Wh-" she stopped, what was she going to ask? Where is my family? Why am I not at home? What don't I remember? She just moved her mouth wordlessly.

Mrs. Potter sat down beside her, and took one of her hands in her own, comfortingly. "Darling, there- there was an-an incident, at-"

"It was not an incident!" James stood up angrily. "It was a deliberate attack!" Lily had never seen him so angry. She would have coward in fear if she had the energy.

_"James Anthony Potter!" _Mrs. Potter said roughly, and he sat back in his chair. Mr. Potter patted him on the back, to calm him down.

"There was an attack." She sighed. "The organization called the Death Eaters, they-" she stopped, "Well, they're not a very friendly bunch. They want purity in the wizarding world, so, they've- they- " she couldn't go on, she stood up and walked away. Mr. Potter came to her bedside and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Ms. Evans, you know that the muggle families cannot make it through the barrier at station nine and three quarters." Lily nodded, having known the fact and not seeing how it mattered in this conversation . . .

- - - - -

**A/N:** DUN DUN DUN . . .


	3. Surrealism I

**A/N:** well, sorry for forgetting about this! I've been kind of busy. Well, enjoy chapter three... the sad, devastating, emotionally wringed-out-to-it's-every-last-drop, chapter

**Chapter3**

"Ms. Evans, you know that the muggle families cannot make it through the barrier at platform nine and three quarters." Lily nodded, having known the fact and not seeing how it mattered "Well, the Death Eaters took the opportunity, to take out all the impure Families and their children at Hogwarts, however," he patted her shoulder smiled at her somberly, "You seemed to be the last one out to your family and when the-" she watched his lip twitch, angrily. "-the Massacre occurred, you were just beyond the barrier. The spell they used was brutal, and It blasted out the wall, you were right there, and well, you're in a right state."

Lily heard what he said but the meaning of it kind of skidded over the top of her head. She was lost in this explanation.

"So- why am I here, Sir?" she asked.

He looked at her blankly for a second, daring himself to answer the question, but instead he decided he would walk circles around it. "Well, you needed a place to stay after you woke, so we decided to take you in. My wife was your healer at St. Mungo's, and My son, says that you were a good friend of his," James turned pink in her peripheral vision,"No one seemed to be coming for you, so we volunteered, happily."

"No one-" she stopped, realization dawned on her "What? They've- they . . ." Hot tears bubbled up in her eyes blurring her vision, she stopped them right away. "They can't be-" Surely this was a joke.

Mrs. Potter found her voice again, "They are."

"Oh," there was a silence then Lily burst into tears, her world had been flipped upside-down and then it booted her out the door into space. "Mum!" she cried, "and Dad, and-and- Petunia!"

"No." Mrs. Potter said, Lily looked up hopefully, "Not Petunia," she was still frowning, "However, she has refused to come pick you up, and she- well, she wrote a letter." Mrs. Potter reached over on a bedside table, and handed Lily the letter she picked up.

Lily read it over slowly three times before it began to sink in, and by the fourth time, it was too tear stained to read. However the idea was clearer than her print: Petunia wholly blamed Lily for her parents death. She never wished to see her again, and she asked politely for her not to come to the funeral, which would be held Saturday the 6th of July.

"What day is it?" Lily asked, determined to go to the funeral no matter what her sister said about it.

"Sunday, the 29th of June" Mrs. Potter said slowly. Lily nodded. She had blacked out for 3 whole days.

Lily Sat the letter down, It was quiet for what felt like an hour, she seemed to dictate the mood of the room unknowingly. "Do you think I could have a moment alone?" she asked. Slowly everyone wandered out of her room, until only Mrs. Potter and James were left, James seemed reluctant to leave, and Mrs. Potter had something to say.

"If you need us, we'll be just across the hall, darling." she said. "James!" she whispered urgently. "Oh, and before I forget, if you would like, I'm sure James could show you around the house later. Also, this is your room, we had it made up just for you."

She closed the door with a quiet _click_ and Lily was left alone looking around the elegant room. The room was large with three wide windows, only one of which was open, the bed was bigger than her one at home, with a canopy, and there was an Armoire on the far wall, beside a door.

Lily decided to put off thinking, and felt a need to get p and move. She pulled her legs out from under the covers to look around, but when she went to stand, her knees almost buckled, her legs shook involuntarily, and she ached all over. She was wearing a hospital robe, and she could see bruises and marks all over her arms and legs.

She made her way slowly and shakily toward the door, and opened it to find a shining bathroom with a wall length mirror showing the refection of a beat, skinny, pale young girl, with messy unwashed red-hair that stuck up in odd places, and green eyes glowing from their bloodshot state. A large bathtub shone behind her, with a few less taps than the prefect's bath, and about half the size. It looked very inviting, with voluminous warm towels hung up beside it already. Who was she, a dirty, smelly, mussed-up young woman, to refuse a bath at this point?

When she emerged with a small cloud of steam from the bathroom, fresh, and clean, smelling of Vanilla bath salts, soaps and shampoos, she opened her armoire and expected to see- well- an armoire full of her clothes. Instead, it seemed endless it went far beyond the wall. It was just a bottomless charm, she knew but she wondered faintly if Narnia was somewhere back there. Most of the clothes that hung on it's walls were not hers. They were her size, but much more expensive looking, most of them were dress robes, and gowns. Finally she found some of her own relatively plainer clothing, and emerged from the wardrobe fully dressed, looking as if she could take on any day, and only feeling mildly better.

No smile could have penetrated to her teeth even if it were the most sparkling and wonderful one in the world. Not today.

She did not know what to do next, she was quite hungry, and was sure she hadn't eaten in days. Everyone was in that "room across the hall," so she figured she would find them and see when the next meal would be. But when she walked out into the hallway, James, who was sitting in a chair next to her door, sprung up, and said "Lily." which made her jump violently.

He ran his hand through his hair nervously, and apologized several times. "It's okay," she croaked finally, having never seen James flustered or worried. Silence settled around them for a long moment while no one thought of anything that could be said.

"Er-" He was terrible at being nervous, "would you like that tour?" she couldn't think of what he was talking about, but then she remembered that this was his house, and realization came. Better to get it over with, she thought and maybe she could ask him when the next meal would be.

"Okay, so," he clapped his hands and looked around. She had never seen him go so long without smiling. It was disconcerting "We are on the 3rd floor. There are three floors and a basement. The top two floors are all bedrooms..." they walked and he talked about all the random things in and about the house. They reached the first floor by means of a large staircase in a wide hall that James called "the Ballroom" and Lily called "Stunning" which echoed despite her quiet crackly voice. To the east was the dining hall and to the west, "some other boring rooms that hardly ever got used," in the back was the garden, it was beginning to get dark out. Lily's stomach grumbled very cruely while they were looking outside. James looked over and then smiled, his characteristic, knowing smile, and then he lead her through a door to their left, into which he called "the Kitchen." But Lily didn't see any stove or fridges. She saw about fifty house elves that all stopped and bowed when they entered.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, and she almost hugged him. Her last bit of self-respect, and weakness of limb held her back.

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**AN:** This is my favourtie story I've ever written, so if you don't REVEIW I'll keep it all to myself.


	4. Surrealism II

_DISCLAIMED._

**A/N:** Sorry, my avid readers cough_none_cough, for abandoming my stories for the last month or so. I've been rehersing for a play that went well, thank you for wondering, Also, I've been doing my homework, or I must have, because I have As in all of my classes and I am a B- average student. anywho. . . read on; my favourite story. . .

Chapter 4: Surrealism.

"So, basically, the house is just too large to walk around everywhere," James continued to tell Lily about the house and everything that went on inside it whilst sitting at the counter after eating several sandwiches and other food the house elves seemed to have prepared before they arrived with some house elf clairvoyance. "Especially when you need to get somewhere fast. So, every room has a fireplace with a floo connection," Having seen her look of confusion, he elaborated "Just throw some of the green powder in and say the room you want; You'll get there." Slowly all the house elves had cleared the room, and the last, a round one, appeared between them.

"Mr. James?" he squeaked when James paused for breath.

"Yes?" he asked, looking down upon the thing with mingled confusion and kindness.

"The foods is prepared for tomorrow's Evening. The decorations will be up by tomorrow's noon." he said and then shuffled away.

"So, anyway- Oh! The clothes. I know Mum always wanted a daughter so when you came here first thing she did was buy you-"

"James?" He looked over his shoulder as if she was addressing someone else. She was being nice it occurred to him. This was a very serious situation; she called him _James_, and she was listening intently to everything he said. "She must not hate me so much", he thought.

"Why are your house elves decorating?" not what he expected but, still a good question.

"Oh, tomorrow my father is hosting the summer Gala to benefit the School. Not that it needs much benefitting."

"Gala?" lily asked, worried.

"Well, yes," he said, and then realized why she was worried looking, "you're invited! You have a dress, but you don't even have to come down if you want."

She looked at him squarely for a long minute. "Thank you for the food James, and thank you for letting me stay here, but I think I'll be able to find a place to stay- I'm sure-"

"Lil- Evans," he caught himself, she may say his name but if she caught him saying hers, she might never even look at him again. "I don't think you understand." she glared at him, for a moment and then gave up, she didn't have the energy for this. "You see, my parents, they-" he gave her an apologetic look in advance "sort of adopted you."

"Not really," she pointed out "only sort-of."

"Well, in three to four days, they'll be your legal guardians." he said, he could only look at his feet, he expected her to explode, but instead there came a little voice that sounded far away.

"That can't be possible, can it? It takes months for paperwork like that to go through." she said.

"Not if your dad is the minister of magic." he countered proudly, but then sighed, that wasn't the right thing to say right now, and he knew it.

"This all seems so surreal." Lily said, He could hear her choking up, "Just a week ago they- they sent me a letter. They were- there. They-" She started to become a bit pink in the face. "And- and now-" she gestured wildly, and then stopped abruptly.

"It'll be okay." James said, and this seemed to do the trick. She took a deep breath and wiped away some tears.

"This just isn't real." she said quietly, holding her hand over her lips as if holding off sobs. "James! My life just unraveled at the seams! They were- what am I going to do!"

"Lily," he patted her on the shoulder awkwardly. "Everything will be fine."

"Do you really think so?" she asked solemnly.

He nodded, "I promise."

She smiled one of those sad smiles that you can't hold back, and hugged him. He had hardly enough sense to hug her back, but even that little warm embrace made her feel so very much better. "Thank you, James." she said when she let go. They stood there quietly for a minute and the silence crept into lily's head and thoughts began re-circulating, horrible thoughts, and she felt her face grow hot and tears blur her eyes again. It felt so good to hug someone, she wanted to hug him again, but she held it off, she wiped her eyes and looked at him. He looked sorry. Genuinely sorry.

"I'm sorry for being a horrible witch to you James." she croaked.

He nodded "I'm sorry for being a big headed Prat, and a toe rag, and an 'evil stupid, bullying git with an Ego the size of the giant squid and no feelings-'"

"I get it." she interrupted him, before he could name off everything she had ever called him, "I'm sorry. And you are a good friend. I mean, taking me in an everything, none of the girls at school would do that, they're not that kind."

"You think I'm kind?" he asked, amazed.

"Well, you've _adopted _me!" she said incredulously. "When even my sister wouldn't; you did. It's all so, unreal. Are you sure this isn't some crazy dream?"

"I'm sure." he said, but she shrugged it away, "would you like me to pinch you?"

She laughed._ Laughed._ Who laughs after their parents die? She felt instantly horrid.

He watched her face fall. "I'm sorry." She turned pink again and tears began making their way down her face. She held herself tight, as if she would fall apart at the seams too. The only thing he could think to do was to try and keep her together too.

He hugged her lightly. She just stood there, limp and weak-feeling. It was silent for a long time. She needed a hug. That's all she needed; someone to hug. Someone to remind her that this was the world, and it was real. Someone to say everything would be okay, to let her cry, and not stare at her while she wallowed in her own misery. It was nice. He was nice. He liked her. Her mind wandered for a moment on James. He was nice to her. He liked her, he had to. She looked up at him. There was emotion on his face, he was sorry, but not sad, he seemed to smile down at her, because she was smiling, which made her smile more. Maybe, thoughts poked around in her mind, I should kiss him? She looked at his lips unconsciously, worried. He seemed to know what she was thinking, and he let her go. No.

"You should get some rest. If you're coming to the Gala, you know." Lily was looking embarrassed, just from thinking those irrational thoughts. She backed up a step towards the door and was just nodding at whatever James said. "Goodnight." he said finally, and patted her shoulder as he passed by her to the door. He walked slowly to his room and fell down on his bed, pathetically.

"That was terrible," he said to himself. "That hug was practically taking advantage of her. She's going to hate me again." He covered his face with his pillow, and tried to suffocate himself, then gave up.

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**Comments** are appreciated more than you know.


	5. The Gala

DISCLAIM

A/N: I don't like this chapter, I didn't like it so much that it affected the next three chapters! so I chopped and Lumped it into one chapter that's a fast read because it just sucks compared to the rest of the very nice storyline, this one is just here to make Lily confused about her sudden emotions and greif.

* * *

Chapter 5: the Gala I

Lily Evans could not get over it. It was Seven in the evening and she was still wrapped in her bed things saying "No." occasionally to herself. "No," her parents _were_ dead. "No," she did not like James potter that way. "No," her parents _were_ dead. "No," she was _not_ actually in her own bed at home. "No," her mother would _not_ come get her any moment, "Come have breakfast," she'd say. "What are you still doing in bed at this hour, darling?". "No." "No." "No."

Suddenly a knock came at the door. Hope flashed and faded, quickly, like the flash of an old camera bulb. Click. It left painful blotches on her heart.

"Come in," she said hoarsely.

A very tall woman came in wearing a pink couture robe, and carrying a wide briefcase. "Are you 'aving your 'air and make-up done madam?"

"Huh?" Lily said, Genuinely confused.

"Are you going to ze gala, Mz.?"

"Oh," realization came. The gala should be a good distraction. At any rate it never hurt to feel pretty, "Yes."

"Bein. I am Madame DeBeaux, I am ze stylist for you."

Dressed, and dolled-up, Lily made her way down to the Ballroom at 8 o'clock sharp. She had never been to a gala but she assumed there would be people there. Not just empty tables. . .

There was only Remus, James, Sirius all dressed up at a table, and a tall man waiting at the door in a plain suit. When she stepped down on the first step, her shoe made a loud _Clack_, and the few people that _were_ there looked up. Remus' mouth fell open, Sirius' looked highly shocked, in a good way, but James just smiled, a sad smile. She walked the steps slowly, and embarrassedly determined not to make another loud noise.

"I guess gold really_ is_ my color," she said about something that Madame DeBeaux had said.

"I'm glad you came." James said. "I was kind of worried when you didn't come to breakfast or lunch." He was concerned for her. She could feel guilt build up in her stomach- or maybe that was all the meals she missed.

"Thank you." she said. Her voice was still distant and foreign to her, but it sounded less harsh than it usually would have, and a held a kind of quiet maturity, she thought proudly.

"You look amazing." Sirius said finally. She laughed, good natured.

"You look even more beautiful." Remus said, quietly, he sounded kind of distant.

Sirius looked over at him quickly, "More?" Sirius said.

"More beautiful than when?" James seemed to make Remus shrink a little.

"Just more beautiful than normally." Lily knew what he meant, she was severely relieved to know she hadn't dreamt their conversation at least. "You say it all the time," he added.

James retreated, "I do?" he said, less asking and more of pointing out that he does no such thing.

"Thank you, Remus." Lily said forcefully, quieting any of James' rebuttals. Remus nodded.

"Well, guests should arrive in about a half-an-hour." James said not looking at any of them.

"Why?" Lily asked.

He looked, at first wanting to be mad at her for being beautiful to everyone else but, ended up just looking slightly taken aback. "To be fashionably late, of course."

"Oh," she said. "Well, I haven't eaten all day, I-"

"Would you like something?" James jumped.

"Yes, Please." Lily smiled, the thought of food in her stomach sounded wonderful.

They walked to the kitchen quietly but as soon as they got there James turned on her "So, what _did_ he mean?"

"What?"

"Remus is a terrible liar, no matter how cool he looks he's sweating on the inside." he said smartly. Several dishes and plates were pushed onto the counter beside them.

"What?" Was the most innocent word she could think of. She felt her face redden not sure if she was mad or about to cry. She was however very confused and knew that he had no right to ask, even if deep inside she did feel sorry, although, she wasn't quite sure of_ what_, exactly.

"Don't-" he stopped he looked partially angry but sad also. "Do you like Remus?"

"I don't know!" she cried. Her voice cracked and there were tears in her eyes again. James saw it and stopped himself.

"Sorry." he grabbed her a half-sandwich, "Here. I just thought-"

"That I liked you?" she snapped, nostalgic flames of anger burnt inside her.

"I guess." he said, trying to make it sound throw away. But when he messed up his hair, she knew it was not a throw away question.

She sat down to quell her anger. "I don't know." She wrapped her arms around herself, "It's really quite complicated. There was Remus and-"

"There was?" he questioned loudly, but she plowed over his question, roughly.

"Now there's you. You seem so different now. You're nice to me, not like before, and you're kind, and you let me cry on you." she shrugged her feelings away letting her arms fall. She expected him to say something, but he didn't so she went on. "I shouldn't be liking anyone right now-" she could hear and feel the lump rise in her throat, "and I don't really want to."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you make a decision like that or anything." He said quietly.

"I know." she felt a tear slide down her cheek, she didn't even know she was crying. "I feel so guilty thinking stupid things like that when they-" she stopped. Another tear came, and then another, and soon she was glad she was wearing DeBeaux's magical make-up.

"Lily." he said sweetly. "It's okay, really it's okay. Let's just forget it. Okay? No more of these stupid things, I promise" he put an arm around her comfortingly. She wiped off her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Okay."

When her face returned to it's normal color they walked back out of the kitchen and Lily munched on her half-sandwich as they made their way over to their little group. When they got there they realized they were generating odd expressions. They looked at each other and James realized that he still had his arm around her, he immediately pulled it off, but Sirius was far to quick.

"Care to tell us why it took you ten minutes to get a sandwich?" he asked. Remus was just looking amused.

Lily, not as quick as usual, could not think of an excuse. For once in her life she didn't care to much about covering up either. James did, however. "We just recently realized that we're now brother and sister." Lily gave him a disgusted look and then understood she needed to play along, so she smiled playfully.

"My brother." she said and hugged him with one arm.

"My Sissy." He put his arm back around her.

Sirius covered his ears. "Don't call her Sissy." he said, grimacing.

James turned stoic. "Sorry, mate."

The rest of the evening went quite well, she danced with Sirius for a while, at first she thought he felt bad but then she realized he was just trying to get her to have fun for once. He twirled her, and dipped her, and the entire time, they were laughing. He even tried to flip her once, but she stopped him. Through many songs in the ballroom they were acting silly, no one seemed to mind too much. They all seemed to know Sirius, and know he acted like this once in a while.

They plopped back down at the table with Remus, James, and Meg, who was unusually quiet, when the band took a break. Remus stood up immediately, and she wondered if he was mad at her, until he came up beside her and asked, "Would you like to go for a walk?" she nodded and followed him out into the garden. Before leaving the ballroom a knot formed in her stomach.

He stopped a good distance from the house, and they stood in silence for a moment. "Do you like him?" he asked.

Lily decided to play innocent, seeing as how she couldn't figure out her own stupid feelings, "No!" She laughed "Sirius and I were just dancing." she said, using her best acting in attempt to sound like this was a ridiculous question. He frowned knowingly.

"You know what I mean. James; is there something there. I know we're not going out but I like you a lot, and I kind of feel. . . _betrayed._"

"I'm sorry." she said. "I don't know. That night seems so long ago."

"I know. It kind of was."

"Yeah," she sighed. "You're a good person." She grabbed his shoulders unconsciously, forcing him to look her in the eyes from maximum sincerity, "I just don't think this is the right time."

"I completely understand." he said. she nodded. "You want to dance?"

"You know, I think I'd like to sit out here for a minute. Later?"

"Right." He walked back inside silently. Lily sat on a gothic concrete bench among the dark bushes.

Lily heard the music pick up tempo a minute later, and then, feet crunching on the gravel. James stood next to her.

"Just getting some air." She said before he could ask.

"You know," he said, "I don't think we could make your situation any more complicated, could we?"

"I 'dunno, _bro_." She said pointedly.

"Oh, my poor little Sis." He put his arm around her, teasingly.

"Let's stay out here all night." Lily said, knowing that he also wanted her to dance.

"No, you want to dance with me." She could tell he was teasing this time, and not re-inflating his head.

"Maybe," she smiled jokingly, "but _Sirius_ is such a good dancer!"

"Oh," he cringed dramatically, "it just got more complicated." she laughed. "Now," he stood up and pulled on her arm. "Come dance with me." she stood up involuntarily and limp, only because he pulled at her arm. Contact with him was warm; comforting.

"Remember all those years you were evil to me?" she asked, "You've changed. Don't deny it."

"I won't, but, I-" She looked hurt "I Love you, just know that. I can keep it to brotherly affection but, I love you, and lately it feels like I'm taking advantage."

"You're not I swear, I want-"

"You want to love _someone_," He pointed in the ballroom, "Not me."

"I guess." She attempted to regain some control, "But, don't tell me who I like." she crossed her arms.

"You're mad, now!" He smiled approvingly, "Will you please think of me as your brother until you get your life back together?" She nodded. "And will you please come dance with me?" he held out his hand, "and forget everything that ever happened?" she took it, and smiled a held back smile.

Walking back out on the floor, the song ended before they could make one move, and the lights went down, slow chords played.

"Maybe we should sit down." James said.

Lily almost protested but then nodded, and said "I think I'm going to get to bed, okay?"

"Me too," he said.

She walked over to the table to tell everyone goodnight, and when she left she realized she was walking down the hall with James. "Er-" she stopped walking.

"My rooms next to yours." He smiled sheepishly.

She nodded, "Right."

They continued up the next flight of stairs in silence, until Lily reached her door.

"Goodnight." She said to him.

He stopped at his door, "Goodnight."

They both stood at their doors for a while before James said, "are you tired?"

"No," she said, "you?"

"No." they stood there quietly for a few moments. "You want to come in for a drink?" James asked finally.

She looked pointedly confused.

"A friendly drink."

"Yeah, alright." she walked over to his room, it looked almost an exact mirror of her's, except for the prominence of the color green instead of gold in the walls and bedspread, and the quidditch posters, family pictures, and the extra door on the opposite side of his wardrobe from his bathroom. He opened the extra door; It looked like a early century parlor inside, with a table and numerous books lining the walls on shelves, and various, interesting things on shelves. She sat down at the table, and James conjured up some Butterbeers, and handed Lily one.

"You know," She said after her first silent bottle, "you're so life changing."

"Thank you." James said. He tipped his bottle to her.

"You've changed me. I would never be as tough a person if you didn't have me on edge or made me feel so bad, you know, thank you. And now, now, you've taken me in, that's so- I don't know, but, thank you."

"You're Welcome."

"Do you really love me?"

He figured she was just sloshed enough for him to answer truthfully. "With all my heart."

"Oh, I love you too." she smiled, then sat up straight. "Like a brother of course."

"Good." he said.

"You know what else?"

"What?"

"Life is so awesome."

"It is."

"I love it." she sighed. "I love you, but you know what?" Lily had no idea why she was going this way.

"What?"

"Remus, is _such_ a good kisser." It was just the thought that dominated her mind. It was the one happy thought that pushed all the sadness away. "I mean, Holy vanilla beans. He is just-_ wow_. You'll never kiss anyone like him."

"I hope I won't be kissing any 'hims.'" he didn't like where this conversation was going. "You want to play a game?"

"Sure." He pulled out some exploding snap. They laughed and forgot about the world outside the room. They talked about life, the universe and everything in between. The world seemed simpler, and so much better when you were talking about it and not living in it.

* * *

( If you_ really_ read ch. "Snape's worst memory" on OotP, you will see that the only Time we really see Sirius as a kid He is not fun loving and wacky 'fannon' Sirius, he is pretty depressed, of course it's probably because he would have to go home at the end of summer, but here we see that Sirius is at James' house even though it's only been, what, three days after school was out, hmm? What's up with that crazy-sirius? . . . ;) )


	6. The Morning after

DISCLIAMED

I've been having a writing frenzy lately and each chapter seemes to get better and better, and I've been getting a bit funnier. Yay learning!

* * *

Chapter 7: Not Quite the Morning After

The sun crept secretively across the floor. Like a spy, investigating the room. Sliding over the edge of the bed, and on to the sheets, the contents of which were only half-awake.

Lily's first thoughts of waking up had to be something along the lines of "I never want to wake up." She was very comfortable, but her head was pounding, and the light shining on her face did not help. When she opened her eyes, she was looking directly into the sun. Her head bleated a loud note quite like a trumpet's.

Someone knocked on the door, she covered her ears and groaned. "Come in."

"Good morning, Miss Mary sunshine." He said.

"James..." she groaned, "Shut your pie hole."

"Whyever would I do that?" He smiled mischievously.

"Because I have a terrible headache and I will hex you to next Wednesday if you do not SHUT UP!" Lily threatened.

"Ask Sirius if he has any of his Hangman's left."

"His what?" she rolled over to look at him quizzically.

"He's across the hall. Just ask." he said and promptly walked back out.

Lily knocked on Sirius' door and he called for her to come in.

"Hello . . .?" she called. It looked as if no one was there but then Sirius stepped out of his wardrobe.

"Oh, wasn't expecting you." he looked her up and down then smiled mischievously. "Wearing last night's clothes is not exactly saying good things about you."

She blushed. "Don't even think that. I was wondering if you had any Hangman's?" she said, trying to sound like she knew what she was doing.

He laughed his loud bark-like laugh. "A hangover too? What on earth did you do when you left with James last night."

"We didn't leave together, we just left at the same time." she said and tried to straighten out her clothing. He rummaged around in his second room. "I _think_. . ." she said to herself. He came back out with a green bottle.

"Tell, Jamie I said Hullo." he smiled knowingly at her. She sneered at him, "Oh, that hurts, Love, I think you owe me an apology; or you're not getting any of this." Lily snatched the bottle away from him; he had very slow reflexes. "_Tootles!_" he called when she closed the door on him.

She walked right out in the hallway, right into someone, faltered, and stopped herself before falling. The movement mad her head swim in sharp pain.

"Close one." Remus said . He looked her up and down once, then said, "I'm not going to ask why you came out of Sirius' room in your dress from last night, holding a bottle of hangman's, and I'm hoping you won't tell me it is was what I'm hoping it's not."

"It's not." She said, plainly. He nodded, and that was that. They went their separate ways.

When Lily came back to her room James was sitting on her bed with a breakfast tray set for two people, eating toast.

"I've got your 'Hangman's Hangover Drought'" She read, "'Relieves even the worst of hangovers, leaving you fresh feeling, and mint smelling, without the hassle of learning your lesson, or throwing up.'"

"Come have some breakfast," he said cooly, "and don't learn your lesson."

"Can't say that I would complain about not having a hang-over." she sat down on the other side of the tray, handing him the bottle.

Lily watched him pour it into the two glasses of orange juice, and said "Drink up me hearties," before swallowing all the juice on one gulp; "Yo ho." he said, pulling a sour face.

"James?" she asked, entranced by his odd expression as he smacked his lips. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because I have the opportunity to," he said, prodding bacon on to his fork, "and you won't yell at me for talking to you." he shoved it in his mouth, and raised an eyebrow, as if to prove his point. She was about to say something, when she realized that retaliation would actually be a form of proving he was right.

Lily took a sip of her juice. The liquid tasted horribly like the soot she inhaled one Christmas, when trying to look up the fireplace for Santa. She drained the glass without a second thought. She coughed terribly, and James patted her on the back.

The world became clearer, sunnier, she didn't feel wretched. Her stomach settled instantly, and breakfast looked suddenly _very_ appetizing.

"So, what do you guys do around here all summer?" Lily asked, with a mouthful of toast.

"Well," James said, "there's Quidditch," lily frowned. She was not good at quidditch at all. "One year we had a race to see who could slide down the banister fastest, Sometimes we like to experiment in the kitchen, and since Peter isn't here you can be our test subject-"

"Test subject?" lily asked, appalled.

"Mostly play pranks on each other and play-"

Sirius burst into her room, "There you are-" he said, exasperated.

_"Ever heard of knocking?"_ Lily went unnoticed.

"-be at the Quidditch pitch in ten minutes. We're playing two on two." and he was gone.

"Well, better grab your broom." James said getting up and making to leave.

"I don't have a broom." Lily said quickly, before he left.

"You don't have a _broom_?" He asked, incredulous. She shook her head. "You can use one of mine." he motioned for her to follow him. She grabbed a slice of toast and ran after him.

Back in James' room they both stepped into his wardrobe, walked for a few moments and then came on a rack that held seven brooms; two of which were broken. He handed her a silvery colored broom. Took one for himself, and guided her out of the house, past the garden and onto a half-sized quidditch pitch that Remus and Sirius were already flying circles around.

Lily had trouble getting up in the air, and staying there, and staying in front of the goal posts and catching anything Sirius threw at her. One time she actually slipped upside-down on her broom, and it took her a few minutes to get back up. In the end, she and James lost by a hundred and seventy points, not that he wasn't scoring, just that Sirius was giving Lily no mercy. Either way, they walked back up to the house just before it started to get dark, looking dirty, and probably smelling quite foully.

The boys walked into the diningroom and Lily followed, feeling useless, utterly stupid, and lost. The table was filled with random foods, and the boys began to shovel things into their mouths ruthlessly, but Lily just pulled a bowl of soup towards herself, and fiddled with the spoon moodily.

"I suggest we pull an all nighter;" Sirius said, mouth full of some type of meat, "Before Remus leaves. "

"I second the notion!" James said, waving a chicken leg in the air, enthusiastically.

"Can't say I'd disagree." said Remus, smiling widely.

Lily was still staring into her soup was trying, and succeeding, to be over-looked from behind a centerpeice. The boys ignored her melancholy attitude and continued to shout, and pack sweets and bottles of butterbeer into a bag, and then they promptly ran off. Leaving lily to wander, almost aimlessly to her room. She showered and then tucked herself tightly into her new bed.

She spent the next hour trying to sleep and only finding random trails of unfinished thought drifting on the inside of her ears, reminding her, of the latest events; her failure at quidditch, her hang-over, the lost memories, her parents, Petunia, Remus, and then finally James. Was his kindness only temporary? Would he go back to that horrid egotistical maniac when school began? Would she continue on her war path against him? Or would they return changed? Friend -no- Family-like, with love? Would he believe her then? Did she believe herself? She was falling in love with _James_.

James _Potter. _

But, this wasn't really James, was it? The thoughts swirled and she rolled over with every one of them, uncomfortable, and unnerving.

At around two in the morning, according to her bed-side clock, sudden knocking interrupted her thoughts. . .

* * *

Meh. the next chapter is deeper, more story, and the one after that is amazing.  
So keep reading, and Reveiw, please? I really want to know what you think of _everything._ I most especially would like to know what you think of the personality with which I write because I'd like to write when I get older and I'd just like to know if it's ALL interesting to read. so, REVEIW.


	7. Curiosity killed the cat

DISCLAIM

I realized I kept promising you the best chapter ever and then I always say it's the next Chapter. let me be specific. . .

10 is so sweet, and 13 is amazing for Sirius lovers.

I get confused whilst I am writing them. sheep

* * *

Chapter 8 Curiosity killed the Cat.

At around two in the morning, according to her bed-side clock, a sudden orchestra of knocking interrupted her thoughts. . .

All the knocking stopped after a moment, and the door cracked open, and a shadowy person appeared,"Lily?" he whispered, "Lily are you up?"

"Yes." she muttered, and sat up as the lights came on. The shadow, she could now see was Sirius, one of the last people she expected to wake her at two in the morning.

"Hey," he said quietly. "We-" he looked around, now realizing he was alone, "_Come in here._" he whispered harshly, but sounding a bit amused.

James and Remus edged into the room, and stood very close to the wall, looking apologetic and nervous, respectively.

"We had a few questions to ask-"

Remus shook his head, meaning to say "No, we didn't" and James looked at the ceiling, unconvincingly appearing to not be alarmed. "-that only a girl could help us with." She raised an eyebrow at them, Sirius sounded slightly besotted. But just enough so that it made him sound loquacious, and brave, instead of senseless and foolish. Although, by the looks his friends were giving him, he was acting very foolish, and it was easy to discern that he had a few drinks.

"What kind of questions?" Lily asked, cooly.

"Well," He smiled his most charming smile, "Nothing too cootie-filled." she did not move hoping he'd elaborate, but he did not. "So," he continued, "can you help us?"

"I guess." she said, apprehensive.

"Good!" He clapped his hands together, and jumped on the edge of her bed, as though having, this conversation from a girl's point of view. "They-" he gestured to Remus and James, who were still looking uncomfortable. "Have never kissed, any girls," Lily immediately turned a light shade of rose, at knowing remus' secret,"and I was wondering if you could kiss them," a deeper shade of rose, "Just so they can say they'd kissed someone before they turned a ripe old age of sixteen." and now she felt dizzy.

"Er-" She looked at the pair apologetically, "I don't know about that-"

"Oh, come on," Sirius fell back on her bed, arms out, to emphasize his exasperation. It would be an excuse to kiss them, her mind thought, on it's own free will. "They're so pathetic!" Sirius said, looking over at them, "Remus is a chicken, and James refuses to kiss anyone who's not 'his, one true love'" he mimicked James, who then turned violet, "how stupid!"

"It's not stupid," Lily said kindly, "it's sweet." She nodded at James in appreciation for his chivalry

"Well," Sirius said, sounding like he gave up, but then had nothing to follow it up with so, he popped back up and begged, "please, Lily,_ please!_"

She rolled her eyes, "this is stupid."

He got down on the floor "I beg you for their pitiful sakes." He hugged her waist tightly.

"I guess," she said. He smiled wildly, "one _small_ kiss." she added.

"Okay," he said, "That'll do," hopped of her bed, and then gestured for her to follow him. She clambered out of bed slowly, as though to protest, and then stood with crossed arms. Sirius smiled his mischievous smile and then without delay, grabbed Remus by the back of his shirt and threw him in the direction of Lily. Remus proceeded to trip, and she caught his arm, just before he hit the ground. He brushed him self off, stood up, and then stared at her, and she stared at him back both communicating their hatred for this moment. She put her lips on his awkwardly, and then realized that she should close her eyes.

She had the distinct feeling that he was afraid to move. She fell away from him, and he opened his eyes slowly. _That was awful, _she could see him thinking. He was a coward, she thought, how sad, he was delightful when he applied himself. Remus took two steps back, and then promptly wished he were invisible, instead of the bright red-faced idiot he proceeded to be.

Lily looked at James, who still pretended to be ignorant of the situation as he inspected the wainscoting. Sirius coughed and looked around at them all- Lily last, and with the oddest expression. A smile appeared on his lips, that moved up to his eyes, and instantly lit up his entire face.

"Your turn James,"he said quietly, then amended in an exuberant tone "step right up! Free admission to the kissing booth."

James strutted up to Lily, smiling wildly. He wrapped his arms around her, and dipped her. Then, just when she thought it couldn't get anymore odd, he stopped and turned to the other two boys, "Can we have a moment alone?" he asked in a suave voice.

Sirius opened the door, Lily shot him a warning look, "sure thing mate!" He pushed Remus out the door, winked at them, and then closed the door, with a sharp _Snap_.

That snap, lily thought, was most defiantly my brain snapping.

James let go of Lily. And rolled his eyes, "Sirius had one two many, and took the conversation too literally." He whispered. "I'm sorry about this." he looked at the door, to check no one was peeking in, "If you just pretend to be disgusted, or otherwise, " he smiled, "I'm sure they'll never know."

"Do you want me to swoon?" she put her hand to her forehead, and batted her lashes. He made a face at her, and made to leave. "Wait." she put her hand down, he looked back at her, hand on the door knob, "Was Sirius lying?" she asked, slightly anxious, "that you would only kiss. . . ?" he nodded. "So," she shuffled her feet, "who-?" she asked the floor.

"I don't know," he said, this subject became quickly over-used, "Maybe." He left

Sirius Popped his head in, and she promptly put on a dazed expression. He smiled. "I knew he had it in him." he said, "So, how was it?" she proceeded to ignore him. He shrugged and left.

Sleeping was, if possible, even more difficult than before, but eventually she fell asleep, with a previously lost grin playing on the edge of her lips.

* * *

I haven't gotten reveiws for the last two chapters, I'm due at least** one!**


	8. Closure

**DISCLAIM**

_A very odd chapter indeed._

**Chapter 9: Closure**

Remus left early the next morning, which caused a fault in their quidditch plans. So, they just raced around and fell of their brooms, for a few hours, under the steadily darkening sky, and when tired, came in for lunch. Although it constantly looked as though it would rain or thunderstorm, the day ended quicker, and Lily found it less exhausting. However, that caused her mind to wander more, and become steadily more depressed, thinking of all the good times she'd had with her parents, and how she would never have them again. She slept that night, again writhing and wiggling about, which caused her hair to be a mess, and her to be grouchy.

The same dreary day seemed to happen three times over, until Saturday finally arrived. She awoke to a bright shining sun, that seemed to mock her, by blinding her the instant she opened her eyes. Of course it had to be perfect on the day she felt most horrible.

Lily didn't feel like bathing, or moving, or eating or talking to anyone but she did, with contempt at almost everything besides-

"James," she asked finally, "how are we getting there?"

She didn't feel like arguing with him anymore, and excepted that he would be coming with her for "Emotional support."

"Father's sending a car from the ministry." he answered quietly and plainly. He seemed to be extra quiet this morning. Sirius was not up. When Lily met James in the hallway she had assumed he whispered so as not to wake him, but he had been speaking like that all throughout breakfast She knew it was his subconscious telling him she was very fragile at the moment. Lily was not, if anything she felt quite angry. The sun was shining, her bath had been perfect, the dress was comfortable stylish and it came with a nice hat; everything was mocking her. It would have been a perfectly lovely day were it not_ meant _to be horrid.

It felt like life was mocking her.

When she finished eating, they both walked out on the front lawn, and Lily realized she had never seen the front of James' house, when she turned to look back she received quite a shock. It was at least three times smaller outside than it was inside. It seemed like a perfectly normal, albeit slightly larger than the average, town house.

James opened the black car's door for her, she sat in it and received her second shock of the day. It was the size of a limo. She could not see the driver from behind the darkened pane of glass, and there was a mini-fridge. James slid in the other door, and lily snapped her mouth shut, after she realized it was open, and decided to stare out the window morosely at the ironically beautiful day.

When the Driver said that they had arrived, Lily almost didn't hear him, and almost pretended she hadn't. She did not want to see anyone who was outside, or inside, they all looked stony faced and they would rush to console her, or stare accusingly. She wanted to sneak right past them, say her goodbyes and leave unnoticed. Except by her sister, she wanted her to see that she had shown up, and- and-

Well, something to make her angry but she didn't know what exactly.

James opened the door for her and beckoned her out. She slid the netting from her hat over her face hoping to hide from the people, and she tucked her head down. James' noticed the odd behavior, and put his arm around her shoulders for what seemed like support, but what he knew she needed was a place to hide her face, and that's what she did, all the way up to the caskets, and then he let her go. She stood, hoping he would stay with her, but she eventually figured this was something she needed to do on her own, and walked up to the shining dark caskets that reflected the blue sky ridiculously.

They didn't look real. They looked like wax versions of her parents, dummies, or something like a clone, or someone dressed in costumes like them. It was not them. They were not there. And that was all she needed to know that her parents had gone. They were not in their bodies. They were not there. They would never help her with schoolwork, or take her to the park, or listen to her complain about Petunia. They couldn't. They were gone.

Now that she had accepted the fact, it was hard to accept that she had accepted the fact so quickly, and promptly walked back past James and towards the car.

He asked her, before opening the door, "are you sure you don't want to stay for the service?"

"Why?" James could see her smile through her mesh mask, "to listen to all those old people drone on about things I already knew?"

He seemed taken aback, but helped her into the car nonetheless, and on the way home, he even suggested they stop out for a bite to eat.

* * *

_Come on you guys I haven't gotten one reveiw from any of you in 4 chapters! and 68 peeps read the last chapter!! I'm getting depressed, did you notice how long that took to update?_


	9. Ice cream & rain

DISCLAIM

_I really REALLY** love** this chapter. . . _

* * *

Chapter 10: Icecream

When she stepped out of the car for a second time that day, She felt liberated. She left the hat inside and walked by herself. She almost smiled twice, and when the young man at the window asked her what she wanted she declared with a full voice "Mint chocolate, two scoops, chocolate cone, please." When she sat down, she ate the whole thing, though not too fast. She took her time, and she basked in the heavenly glow of the sun.

James was quiet, observing. He thought it quite the change. Never was there anyone who could walk out of their parents funeral before service began, and feel good about it. Not good great, she smiled. He watched her do it twice. She thanked him for the ice-cream and enjoyed it. Finally he decided to break the comfortable silence; "Nice day, huh?"

"Absolutely lovely." lily said romantically, facing the heavens, "Makes you glad to be alive. I love the sun."

Thinking that she must have had some revolution in her head James decided to leave it alone. They finished their ice-cream in warm silence.

James began to catch some of the happiness radiating off of her "I think we should go do something."

"Anything," she said, still facing the sky, eyes closed, "Outside, I want to be outside."

"Want to go for a walk?" He ventured.

"I would love to." She stood up and he offered her his arm.

They set off down the main street of the town, after tipping off the driver they would walk home, and they headed for the small park.

It was a very simple park. A walk, a bridge, a stream, picnic tables, swings, and trash bins. They walked the length of it twice and lay out in the grass, warming themselves in the sun, before it even began to get cloudy. But once it got cloudy it got exceedingly cloudier and cloudier, and gloomier and gloomier. And Lily simply refused to leave. They sat on the swings, moving around slowly, twisting, and revolving, but not swinging. Swinging would involve some type of physiologically gravitational swoop around their stomach that generated a euphoria that the sky did not allow. For it dictated the mood, and currently it was too busy swishing about papers along the walk and crackling with distaste at the sun to care about Lily and James' need of a good swing.

Talking about random things like the wood chips on the ground and why the grass was actually greener over there, they lost track of time.

One by one the drops began to fall.  
Very slowly at first. One here. One there. Each one colder than the last. Slowly the hairs on their arms began to rise. They got up and silently agreed that they should be getting home now.

Finally the rain started to fall in sheets. Painful, stinging, cold, wet waterfalls of water. They began to run down the streets, nearly blinded. James held out his hand to Lily, who was falling behind. He pulled her up, nearly beside him, though he couldn't quite see, he was sure he could hear her laughing behind him.

They ran several whole blocks through the pouring rain. Laughing, pulling at each other, and taking shortcuts through the lawns of people they did not know, until finally they came to the shelter of James' front door. "Oh bugger-"

"What now?" Lily laughed.

"I forgot my key." He could hardly hide his amusement, laughter played amongst his voice. Lily pushed past him, opened the door and slumped against the wall beside it; A wet and cold shivering mess. A second mess joined her on the floor.

The tile beneith them was cold itself, but the air was warmer. Their shoes sloshed when they moved and everything clinged to them as a child clings to their mother in a strange and frightening place. a pool of residual rain gathered around them. Their cheeks bright and moist hair clinging to their damp features.

"I suppose I could have offered you my jacket," he said as he removed it an threw it over her head, they both laughed loudly and it made a splotching sound on her head, the ringing static of the storm outside still deafening them.

"Oh, yeah," she pulled it off and wringed it out, "That would have kept me so dry." she said with ringing sarcasm.

They were still laughing, trying to hold themselves together.

"We're so stupid." Lily said finally catching her breath. "Look at that," she pointed out the window across the hall, "we ran- I don't even know how many blocks,_ in that!_"

Their laughter rung throughout the large room.

Sirius ran out of the kitchens, and stopped in his tracks. "What happened to you?"

Neither could answer for the laughing started again. He sauntered over slowly.

"Well, these came while you were gone." He threw several envelopes at her.

Lily stopped laughing for a moment to check if they were her O.W.L. results.

They were not.

"I should get dried off." she said, still recovering from the laughter. Sirius still stood there looking at them. "Help me up." She said, holding out her arm to Sirius. She yanked him down in her puddle of rain and mud as she stood up. "Thank you!" she managed before laughing her way up the stairs and down the hall, where her laughter did not echo, and it was not accompanied. It felt hollow, so she stopped.

She flipped through the letters addressed to her. They were from her friends, her distant, uncaring friends. She read each one once, and forget the words as she read them. When she arrived in her room, she tossed them at the bedside table and forgot about them too easily.

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thank you, cosmopolitan my only reveiwer.  
thank you so much. this chapter is dedicated to you. you and your nice reveiw which was high quality. It has given me strength.

**REVEIW.**


	10. Friends

**DISCLAIM**

_A/N: Just a chapter._

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Days passed slowly, memorably. An evolving routine developed. Quidditch slowly became more boring, Meals became louder, they began playing invented games, and exploring, acting like children, sleeping soundly at night, and finally getting more comfortable around each other.

They no longer sat in separate seats. Where one fell down, they all fell. Often they lay in piles on the floor of the second floor Study. Their new favourite room. It had everything they needed; nothing. It was small and nearly empty. A fireplace, a desk, curtains. It was cozy. And as childish as it seemed it was easy to play in.

They had such stupid games. The walls were covered in curtains and the would hide behind them. Sometimes they adventured outside The Room. They would pretend the garden was a jungle. Or that the wide staircase on the third floor was a stage. Once the story of the sun god (played well by a pillow), and his brave knights was interrupted by owls. But they worked them into the play (They were the wicked witch's minions). The letters they carried for Lily went unnoticed.

The nights were filled with Hot Chocolate and stupid puns. Sirius could do Impressions, and James told wild stories, Lily more or less just prompted intense conversations of the most random satyrical subject matter.

Mrs. Potter would often whisk lily away to have tea, or try on some new things she had bought. She was so generous, and Lily was quickly realizing how much Mrs. Potter had wanted another child. She was old enough to be her grandmother, and that is how Lily tended to think of her, for she never really had any grandparents. Mrs. Potter always had tea and stories of her younger days, and gossip about the famous folk of the wizarding world.

All in all the summer seemed to be going quite well. Lily felt more at home at the Potter's than she ever did at Hogwarts, or even her own quiet home.

Lily had lived a fairly normal childhood. She liked it very much, and was very satisfied especially with the summers. Days when school was out and so was the sun. Petunia, Lily's sister, was her constant companion in their wonderfully dull neighborhood of older families. They had got along very nicely. Even later on when Lily outshone Petunia with her wonderful magic tricks (for it was later found out that Lily was actually a witch, and would be attending school for witchcraft the fall after her eleventh birthday.). They had developed a friendship that stood alone; impenetrable by any possible new friends. They coexisted for many years playing their quiet games of house and tea party. Although their friendship was so solid, it lacked one very usual thing.

Laughter.

Lily and Petunia had fun and enjoyed themselves but, they could scarcely imagine themselves very humorous. It was rare that there were bits of laughter. This lack of laughter, lily supposed, caused her the greatest selfconciousness later in life. For the lack of humor made funny things even funnier, and when Lily laughed, she usually laughed so hard that tears formed in her eyes.

A summer at the Potter's had stopped that phenomenon quite solidly.

One particularly bright and sunny morning, their O.W.L. results arrived, along with their School lists and more letters from her friends. She did as well as she expected, although she couldn't remember the test, she assumed it went well. She was, however, dreading the beginning of term.

She had not answered a single one of her friend's letters. Also a sneaking fear built up inside that James and Sirius would desert her the moment they walked onto the platform. No matter how much she convinced herself they cared for her.

James insisted that they meet up with Remus the next day at Diagon Alley. It seemed sensible, but then that made term seem even closer.

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dun dun dun . . . **REVEIW**s are so very appreciated!


	11. News

DISCLAIMED.

A/N; not so warm reunions.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"Tuesday," she repeated in her head before opening her eyes. "_Tuesday_." Finally, sighing, she got up and out of bed. She mindlessly bathed, primped and clothed herself. Which she then switched to practical wizarding wear, so as not to offend in Diagon Ally.

Breakfast was a noisy affair. James and Sirius relived a particularly lively match to Mr. Potter while Mrs. Potter attempted to get them to eat.

They took a Ministry Car to London. The Leaky cauldron was full as per usual this time of year and they squeezed through, out the back and through the barrier along with a second year and their family none of which any of them actually knew. As soon as the bricks parted James and Sirius dashed off into the throngs of witches and wizards. Leaving Lily behind to feel Lonely in the crowded streets.

A warm hand grasped her shoulder.

"Come along," Mrs. Potter said "Let's get your books."

Mrs. Potter accompanied Lily through all of her shopping.

How easily they had slipped away. She didn't even catch a glimpse of them until she finished her shopping as was wandering aimlessly about. They had ambushed her outside of Florean Fortescue's. Where the three of them (Remus included) had been hiding behind a paper and sharing a large sundae Lily never felt more left out after she had been pulled clumsily behind the paper by three hands.

"Evans!" Sirius said brutally, holding onto her collar, "Are you trying to blow our cover?"

"What?"

"Besides, You're late." James interjected. She did not answer, "see here," he pointed to a picture that did not belong in the paper, "your friends have been talking about you." he tapped it with his wand, quiet noise came babbling out of the picture.

Her friends seated at a table inside the Leaky cauldron continued their frozen conversation.

_"I wonder how Lily has been," Meg said. _Why on earth were her friends in the paper?

__

"She didn't answer any of my letters," Ophelia replied, "I hope she's alright" James adjusted the paper and he picture stayed n place. She realized it was a magical window, they were watching a table through.

"I thought I saw her earlier, coming through here," Alice countered, "But the girl was with James so I assumed it wasn't her,"

"Speaking of James," Meg interjected, "I heard he was captain of the team this year!"

James froze the picture.

"Care to explain, Lily?"

"No time!" Sirius interrupted, "Meg at 10 O'clock!"

They all ducked except for Lily, who had checked her watch.

"Lily!"

Lily fell off the side of Sirius' chair where she had been pulled.

"Lily?" Meg helped her up, "are you alright?"

Lily brushed herself off, quickly. "Fine. Fine, just fine. How are you, Meg?"

"I'm-" She peeked around the paper, where the marauders had been hiding. "Sirius." he folded down the paper, "James? Remus? What are you all-"

"We were just getting our shopping done." Lily linked her arm and walked away with her, she would save explanations for later, "We were beat and we shared a sundae."

"You and-"

"And now we've got to get going," she let her arm go, "we're quite late, Mrs.Potter will be looking for us."

"Mrs.P-?" Meg started. Lily walked away briskly.

"Tell the girls I say Hullo. Save a spot for me on the train!" She walked past the table and motioned for the marauders to follow. Together they took the long way around to the Leaky Cauldron.

"Thanks," Sirius said as they plopped down at a table. He motioned to the barkeep for four Butterbeers.

"We don't have to meet my mum for another hour, Lily." James inquired.

"I know." Lily retorted.

"back to business," Sirius interrupted. "The war is getting bad."

"We're at war, now?" lily interjected.

"Yes, and you are in Grave danger," James continued, concernedly.

"Thank you, _Madame LesYeux_" Sirius quipped, Lily snorted at her divination teacher's expense.

"Really." James said perfectly seriously, "You are in danger. Muggle, and half-blood attacks have become more and more common."

"Just this week, six half-bloods, a squibb and an Auror _died._" Remus put in, eyes dark with genuine concern.

Lily got very cold. This was disturbing news, but what power did she yield over it?"Therefore," Sirius stated heroically, "We shall be watching over you at all costs-"

"No matter what." James said. The three of them held their glasses up to her. "No one gets after my sister."

Remus' smile faltered.

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A/N: Oh the next chapter is one of my favourites!

Reveiws are so appreciated.!


	12. Return

DISCLAIMER.

_I just adore this Chapter._

* * *

Chapter 12: Sirius is deep.

Lily stuffed what she assumed were the last remnants of her endless wardrobe into her trunk, and shut the lid. She pulled it out into the hallway as Mrs. Potter had instructed her.

Sirius was just dumping his out into the hallway, topped with a small auburn owl in a cage. It chirped happily at her as Sirius went back into his room.

"Well, hello." She walked over to it and stuck her finger in it's cage. It nuzzled her sweetly. "Why are you so happy?" She asked it, stroking the cage wires. The owl cooed, and nipped at her.

"I know why the caged bird sings." Sirius said, having reappeared within the door.

"What?" Lily asked, surprised.

"I know why the caged bird sings," Sirius said, again. Lily smiled, he continued cautiously, "The caged bird sings, with fearful trill, of things unknown but longed for still, and 'is tune is sung over distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom."

"Maya Angelou." Lily said, "you read?"

"I am literate." he smirked. "Don't tell James."

"I do always feel wretched when I see them locked up."

"No worse thing then knowing you have the ability to fly, but being caged."

"Do you think we put birds in cages because we're jealous?"

"I think we put them in cages because they are seemingly inferior." He frowned. "But we can't fly, so we have nothing on them, in my opinion."

Lily lifted the latch on the cage, and let the bird out.

"I think he knows where we'll be." She watched him flutter out the window and disappear into the sunlight, hooting happily.

"thank you." He said sincerely. Lily nodded, but as he left it occurred to her that she had no idea why he said it.

Passing through that barrier again felt so strange, and yet so familiar. It was like going to the house you grew up in, and seeing the family that lives there now. The sight of it the smell of it, all too familiar, but the feelings it invoked had changed. She was no longer excited, and pulling away from her mother's hug to get on the train, and secure a seat. She wanted to never let go of Mrs. Potter. Mrs. Lupin even gave her a hug after she had said her goodbye to all the boys. Mrs. Black did not show up to say goodbye to Sirius. The final whistle blew, James helped her pull her trunk onto the train, Sirius secured a compartment for them, and they all hung out the window to wave farewell to their shared mothers.

The station disappeared behind the train's steam and soon they were rolling comfortably through the country. One thing stood common, Lily was apt to fall asleep on the train ride. She sat in the corner as the boys played various games and drifted in and out of the compartment, along with various and obscure friends from other houses and years. She was almost asleep once when James bursted in with sweets from the trolley. Lily put a chocolate frog in her pocket for later and eventually drifted to sleep.

The train jolted. She woke with a start. There were remnants of a dream left in her head, she felt them slip away until she hardly remembered dreaming at all. She had an empty feeling in her head. It felt like noon, but it was definitely dark out. She did not wonder why it was so quiet or why the compartment was empty. She didn't think about anything at all. She had a numb taste in her mouth, and felt dry and ticklish, like one usually does when sleeping longer than planned. It was a comfortable feeling. She pulled the cloak closer to herself. Her body was still used to sleep, it was lazy and slow. She just sat there, she had no idea how long.

The compartment door slid open, she didn't bother to look up.

"Hullo." Remus waved his hand in front of her face, she looked up. "You don't look so well." he sat down next to her. "I wish we had some chocolate left. That usually helps everything."

"I do." Her mouth was dry, tongue risible; Talking made her smile. She pulled the chocolate frog out from her pocket, it tasted funny. The texture of it tickled her taste buds. She smiled. Remus smiled at her.

"Better, then?" he asked.

"Absolutely."

He was smiling at her and she couldn't will her eyes to move away from his.

"Do you want some?" she offered him a leg, he shook his head at it. He was not looking at her anymore, and that helped her turn away. She pulled the cloak around her shoulders, and realized that this was not her cloak. "Who's is this?"

"James'." he sighed, "You know, he really cares for you."

All Lily could do was nod in agreement. Oh, She knew.

"He watched you while you slept. He thought we wouldn't notice but it was quite obvious. They went to gather up the team, before he left he said he thought you looked cold so he put his cloak on you." He smiled.

"Why are you telling me this?" She didn't mean to sound mean, but it seemed to come out that way.

"I don't know." he shrugged it off. Then suddenly; "I like you Lily." She had no response to give. "I just thought you ought to know, that I still like you. Even if you don't like me, anymore."

"Remus, you're a good person." she said sincerely. She began to wake-up mentally, and she sat up straight, the cloak fell to the her lap. "I don't know how I feel about you, though. I haven't exactly sorted out that part of my mind lately."

He nodded. Just nodded. He would always be so passive, he would never put up a fight. He would never fight over her or for her. He would never try to win her over, he would always hide from his friends.

She felt cold again and pulled the cloak over herself.

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_Well, what an abundance of reveiws for last chapter! **Thank you** all my lovely readers!  
Don't forget to tell me what you think of every little detail._ REVIEW.


	13. Mourning

DISCLAIMED.

_What annoying girls._

* * *

**CHAPTER 14 : Mourning**

Eventually the train slowed and stopped. They got off and took their ride up to the castle in a horseless carriage. When they arrived in the great hall Meg, Olivia and Alice beckoned her over to an empty seat. She sat down quietly, they were all looking at her.

"Hullo." she said plainly. They erupted into questions of "What's been going on with you?" "Why haven't you answered our letters" and "Why have you been hanging around the Marauders?" She was very glad that Dumbledore chose that moment to clear his throat.

When the sorting was finished, food appeared before them, and Lily tried to look as busy with food as possible, and succeeded in avoiding questions until Meg casually asked "So what's up with you and James Potter, I thought you loathed him with all your being?" Alice and Olivia stopped eating and several of the girls around them looked over.

"Nothing." she replied as casually as possible.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Meg lost her cool, "you're wearing his cloak."

"What?" Lily wondered how she knew, she looked at herself, a shiny badge shone, and she sighed.

"Or have you miraculously become quidditch captain? Really now what's going on?"

She figured she could not avoid this forever, "We're sort of-" more eyes looked at her, she couldn't finish. She couldn't say they were Siblings, that's too complicated, Friends, not complicated enough, they definitely weren't dating, and they weren't just acquaintances or enemies.

Warm arms wrapped around her neck, "Sis," James said, loudly. "Why are you sitting so far away."

Meg pointed her wand at him, "Have you put some sort of curse on her?" the rest of the onlookers looked dumbfounded at the misuse of the word "sis."

"I'll be right there, James." she smiled a thank you at him as he walked away.

"I'll tell you later, okay." Lily said cryptically, "I've got to go."

Conversation around the Marauders was lively and care-free, she was soon laughing. Although every now and then she caught a glimpse of Meg or Alice watching her (Ophelia was too polite to stare), and she wondered weather they were mad or just upset, or possibly concerned; although that seemed far beyond them. Finally the food disappeared and Dumbledore sent them off to bed.

By the time she made it up the staircase to her room, the other girls were already unpacking. She decided she could play it cool.

"Okay," she plopped down on the end of her bed. They all looked at her expectantly. She started without introduction "After getting off the train. . ."

She was surprised to find out that they had no idea of her parents death, and that they had little interest in her and James not being a couple, they just accepted the fact that they were siblings and thought no more of it. They did not however accept that she had overcome the worst part of her guilt and they insisted that she get to bed early. She was not sleepy. They insisted upon condoling her. She was not upset. They were quiet and on edge around her. They reminded her of fate with every sad glance they made. She only wanted to forget, which made her feel terrible.

She curled up in her bed, wrapped all the curtains around the posts, put her pillow over her head, and mourned for the dead summer, and her friends, and finally, she mourned her parents, if they only knew she was trying forgetting them. . .

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	14. Confrontations

DISCLAIMER

_Author note._

* * *

Chapter 15

Lily woke just before the sun, the other girls were still asleep even after she was dressed and showered, she could see the orange glow on the horizon now. She decided to take a walk.

About ten minutes later Lily found herself wandering aimlessly across the grounds. Cool grass crunching beneath her feet, and cool air rushing through her lungs. She sat underneath the beech tree and watched the branches and leaves entangling, knotting themselfs up and struggling to break free, thrashing about and occasionally snapping under the pressure.

She frowned towards the tree and vowed that no matter the entanglements that she would not snap to break free of them.

"Mz Evanz, " Madame LesYeux cooed in her fake accent, as lily entered the small classroom, "I 'ave been keeping my heart and eye over your troubling summer," she ungracefully shifted her bulk between the tiny tables that cluttered the room, towards Lily, who was glad she arrived early for fear that she would be getting this speech no matter who was listening, and to Madam LesYeux, the more the better, "you poor, poor, thing," She pulled lily into a strong embrace in which lily was sure she would be crushed if it were not for, the clearing of a throat.

Remus scratched the back of his neck nervously from a table on the farthest side of the room near a window, and cleared his throat again.

"Je m'excuse, I must be prepared for the class," she patted lily on the back, "Go to 'im," she whispered to her, which she would have assumed as dramatic, but just sounded awfully corny.

Lily sat across from Remus at the small table and sat her books on the seat next to her.

"I thought she was going to crush me," she said leaning in and whispering to Remus, she smiled but he looked the same.

"How are your friends?" he asked concernedly, "I have the feeling you ignored any serious talk."

"Well, that's because when Sirius talks it's rarely ever-"

"That's not what I meant, and stop walking around it." he whispered harshly.

"What gives you the authority to tell me who to talk about it with?" She whispered quieter, as some of the other students began filtering in.

"I'm sorry for being so concerned for you-"

"Well, you should be, It's truly none of your business, and I _have_ told them," Lily could feel her throat swelling with hurt and tears, he was being nice and she couldn't control herself from being a snot.

"Good." he said kindly.

"Did you think I would lie, like you?" She snapped.

"What did you say about you and James?"

She swallowed her hurt, and let the pity shape her face. She knew what he was really after, "That he's a brother now."

He nodded, and she wanted to slap some sense into him; Either pluck up some courage or learn that this isn't the time to talk about it.

Although, she thought, she wasn't grieving anymore, and this should be a time to talk bout it. She just didn't want to.

"'allo" James said in a nasally french accent as he sat beside Remus.

"Good-" Sirius said, but never finished as he was pushed out of the way by Meg who sat in the chair beside Lily disregarding her books as they fell to the floor unceremoniously.

"-What do you mean your planning on letting Golsby and Longbottom back on?" she protested.

James' face fell, "Megan, please!" He motioned choking her in the air. "Give me until at least lunch until you bombard me with this-"

"Seats, sil vous plait!" Madame cried out. Sirius gave up and sat at the table with Alice, Olivia and Peter.

You could tell, if you watched this class alone, that there was only one person who could deal patently with Peter. He was generally agreed upon as a marginal boy. He wasn't quite handsome, or very athletic, he wasn't brave or cunning and he wasn't very good with words, the only thing he did have were his friends, and even then, that was a very grey area.

"G-Good morning Olivia," Peter stammered, as he sat down beside Sirius.

"Good morning, Peter," Olivia said with kind eyes and perfect etiquette. She was really too kind for words, pure as rain, and covered in willowy grace; Long straight yellow hair to her waist, with pale glowing skin, pink cheeks and blue, blue eyes.

"Sirius," Alice grunted.

"Alice," Sirius grunted in return.

"How-w-was you summer?" Peter offered, rarely had he been a conversation starter.

"It was just lovely and how was yours?" Olivia replied, sincerely.

"Well, I-It was fine and . . . nice." He smiled stupidly, she smiled back and nodded. Although this was all they said, she still had eternal patience with him and never an unkind word to utter.

"Alright, 'zen" Madame said to the class, "this year we will be moving on to more difficult things indeed," she said dramatically forgetting her accent, "we will be refining our skills and harnessing the powers of our inner eyes to see beyond; Beyond the ordinary to the-" she took a deep breath for a dramatic pause, "Extraordinary!"

Lily disguised her snort of disgust as a sneeze. Remus offered her a tissue, fighting a smile as well.

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Comments? concerns? questions? voice them!_ Review._


	15. Cursing Man I

DISCLAIMED

You know what always annoyed me about Chick stories? When a girl has two love interests one is always more obvious than the other. I think they should be even. How terrible it would feel then to have to pick one, or any at all...

* * *

Chapter 15: Cursing man

Rumor surrounded Lily just like buzzing flies, she felt quite like she was choking too often. Once or twice she had to run to the bathroom, and hide to cry or calm herself down. Walking the halls soon became very stressful for her. People would look at her very obviously as she walked by, they whispered like she couldn't hear them. They knew everything of her family, of James and his. She heard his name as often as hers, and yet it had no effect on him. She wondered what he did think of it all and was trying to talk to him to alone, which they had not done since their arrival weeks ago.

Talking to James was very difficult, especially since he always had people following him around. However, his followers usually had ulterior motives; Quidditch, and flirtatious advances. James ignored them all well, even Meg's Quidditch issues. Lily's diversionary tactics were hardly effective. She decided on just reading in quiet corners of the library and avoiding common rooms and high trafficked halls altogether.

This particular Thursday, Lily was curled up behind a book in her favourite comfortable arm chair in a darker corner of the Library. Hidden on most sides by dusty looming bookshelves, staring at the page of a book which she hadn't actually been reading for quite a while, now. A voice broke her trance.

"Levinovski's book of levitation spells and charms." Remus read; his head turned at an odd angle. "Just the book I was looking for, and since you're not actually reading it-" She focused down on the page, which was upside-down. "- I think I shall be taking it." He pulled it out of her hands slowly. She let it go and looked at him, pathetically. He looked back, disapprovingly. "Do you mind if I join you?" Lily shrugged indifferently. He pulled up the tattered footstool of the armchair.

"I know everyone has been bothering you lately," He smiled at her. "For what it's worth you seem to be handling it very well." She felt a sob rise up in her, and the pressure of society and the need to talk to someone collapsed on her throat, and her pain began to run out her eyes in slow warm and salty streams. "It'll be okay," he said, "they'll forget all about it in a month or two," she sobbed louder and fell forward into a comforting hug. She didn't know how long she cried on him for, but she did know that when she was finished, he still let her stay there, wasting his time and wetting his shoulder with her tears.

"I'm so sorry, Remus," Lily said in her crackled voice.

"S'alright," he wiped her tears away with his sleeve.

"I just haven't really been able to talk to anyone," Her voice cracked " in a long time. . ."

"Well, If you ever need to talk," Remus said, leaving the sentence in the air. She nodded understandingly. He handed her a tissue, and got up to leave. He almost said some thing else, she knew, but turned it into, "Goodbye." and left.

* * *

Late into the evening Lily returned to the warm Gryffindor common room, reluctantly, having been removed from the library by the stern and wicked librarian herself. She was greeted by a very animated James.

"Lil!" He put his arm around her and lead her to the couch and pushed her down next to an only half-awake Sirius. "It's ten fifteen!" He cried, concerned. "Have you been studying this whole time? Pete's sake! How much homework've you got this early in the year? You've been in there everyday. Even weekends!" He sat down next to her. "I've been trying to get to you!" She didn't feel like doubting this. "You need a break, tell you what we'll go out for a drink tomorrow, ay?"

"But I really hav-"

"No." he stopped her. "No, I insist. Meet me by the gargoyles on the second floor at five sharp tomarrow." he stared at her. "Get to bed now!" He said as if it was so obvious, and pulling her up. "Bed! Go!"

"You're not my mother, James." Lily said suddenly feeling quite drowsy.

"Well someone needs to be." He stopped. "I mean that-" She began walking away, fighting laughter. "-Because there's no parents here, Lils?" she was already gone.

* * *

Lily had just sat on the gargoyle's stand to wait for James when it began to turn all by itself. She was rotated to face the wall, trapped, but she could hear clicking footsteps coming from the wall beside her. Turning roughly she could see a man that walked swiftly past her, huffing. He stopped and faced the gargoyle; He had a gruesome slender figure, but his face was hidden. Lily thought she had been caught, but then he said something that was not directed to, what seemed, anyone at all;

"Curse you- you bumbling old fool." he huffed and pulled out a wand which he pointed directly at the ceiling, "Yllaun Na Llaf For Psesne Fed El Blailer nu." he hissed. A spell which Lily had never heard. she knew it was a curse by the spite in the man's voice. He walked away and the statue slid back into place. Lily hopped off it quickly, in case such a thing were to happen again. Then she thought better of coming here at all and began to walk away from the statue tentatively. James rounded the corner up ahead.

"Were you leaving?" he asked, teasingly.

"No, I just couldn't remember which statue it was." she pointed to the other statues that lined this hall.

"Well, I asked you to meet me there, but we'll be exiting through her." He thumbed towards the Haggard looking old witch with a humped back. He swung his pack over the statue's hump, tapped his wand to her, mumbled something, and promptly slid beneath, without so much as a "come along." But Lily already had figured it out.

"We can't sneak out." She whispered hastily into the darkness when she landed. "We could get expelled!" A hand found hers in the darkness, and that childlike sensation of adventure filled her heart. No longer did she care about rules, but only the long dark unexplored tunnel ahead, and the unknown staring her in the face; Tempting her onward. . .

* * *

Dun dun dun. What could come of this? the plot unfolds before you like a rolling magic carpet of confusion...

Reveiws?


	16. Cursing Man II

DISCLAIMED

* * *

**Chapter 17: The Cursing man II**

No bells chimed when they slipped into the door to the Hog's Head, there was no soft murmur of liveliness that one would usually experience at The Three Broomsticks. Instead they were greeted with a stench and the sticky feeling of caked on grime, but the adrenaline of having snuck out made Lily's mind distracted. The thee Broomsticks was to crowded and obvious, they would have been spotted immediately, but no one ever came to the Hog's Head except, apparently, piles of rags and four hooded figures. James ushered her to a table with the two butterbeers he had received from the old barkeep while lily was observing the place.

"Drink up." James said popping the cap of the disgusting bottle. She pulled the bottle towards herself so quickly that it would have spilled had it not reached her mouth seconds early. Lily would have finished the entire bottle in one gulp had James not elbowed her.

"I saw that guy in the hall at the school." He whispered, about the same disgruntled man who Lily had seen curse the ceiling. Now that she he was in plain sight she saw quite clearly that he had blood red eyes and quickly goose bumps appeared under her cloak. She unconsciously leaned in towards James for safety. The slow warm buzz filled her head where the adrenaline had just so quickly left her, and she took another full swig.

"So," James said, uneasily, "feeling better are we?"

"Yeah, actually," she smiled at him, "Thank you." she finished the bottle in one swallow, James motioned the Barkeep for two more. He brought them over, eventually.

Lily was on her third bottle and feeling far more liberated when one of the five at the table on the other side of the room stood up from his seat angrily. Sending his chair screeching across the floor and fluidly pulling out his wand.

"You show little loyalty, Crabbe," the Red-eyed man said "I will have the minister's boy brought to me, or I will see you boiled alive!" He hissed with such an air of menace that the man immediately cowered on the ground before him.

"I-I just thought that-"

"You will only think as I tell you." he demanded. The red-eyed man noticed Lily and James stares. "Boy and-" he crinkled what little nose he had, "-Filth." The men at the table laughed.

Lily stood up blood boiling with anger and drink, "How dare you," how she managed to still sound civilized James could not figure.

"Do not speak to me."

Lily snorted at him. He pointed his wand at her and James stood up in between them.

"I do think it's time to be going, now cousin." James prompted. Lily leaned over the table, brandishing her wand.

"No." she said fiercely, "Lets see what this freak thinks he's got."

"_Expeliar-_" she started

"_Stupefy_!" James interrupted, knocking the man out. All the other men at the table gasped but did not move while James took lily by the arm and rushed her out into the crisp night air and towards the shrieking shack, hurriedly.

He pushed her inside, and she fell to the floor, angry tears bubbling up in her eyes. "Who-who does he think he is, anyway." She said, flopping her arms in astonishment. James lifted her up by one arm and sat her down in a barely standing chair.

"Did you hear him?" She sobbed.

"I did." James said, realization on his face. "Did you?"

"Well," Lily was confused, but trying not so sound it and ended up sounding quite like a politician.

"Never mind," James said worriedly, "We'd better get you back to the castle before you-" Lily fell forward limply and James caught her before she slumped face first onto the dusty floor.

"_Great_."

* * *

Remus'Gal, you know you're my favourite thank you for all your reveiws!

Reveiws are appreciated so much.


	17. the real Chapter 17

DISCLAIMED

A_/N: sorry, I recently realized that I posted chapter 6 TWICE, so I took that off, this is the new chapter 17 the real 17! ANYWAY, I would like to personally thank all the new readers and reveiws we got since last chapter! we 7 wonderful reveiws, and so many favourites. thank you one and all!_

_So, without further ado; one Conculsion!_

* * *

the real chapter 17. 

The dark school coat of Lily Evans hit the ground nearly silent as a light cloud of dust flew into the air unexpectedly around it and up beside the old armchair where she sat in her corner of the library; sweat dripping off her brow.

It was a normal day in late October, not particularly cold, but cold enough so that one who sweats must obviously be exerting themselves tremendously. Lily Evans was doing no such thing. She was, however, sick with stress and worry. Thoughts and ideas of an unmeasurable nature relentlessly paraded her mind, as if she were a mad man. She certainly felt like one.

They were out to get him, she thought, often; too often. James had such a carefree nature about all of this that she simply had to worry for them both, and as usual there was no talking to him unless he wanted to talk to her. She began to formulate plans to get James to need to talk to her. She could spread rumors, or skip class; Make him worry for a change. She could purposely-

"Lily?" She was knocked away from her thoughts, "You look awful."

"You really know how to flatter a girl, Remus." Lily said, pushing her hair away from her face. He pulled up the foot stool and sat in front of her: his signature gesture of friendship. True concern lined on his face.

"Really, you may want to go see Madame Pomfrey." He said, looking her in the eyes.

Eye contact, as you well may know, is a very important part of communication. A speech maker who stares at their presentation is likely to make an audience doze. A lover who looks at the moon when reciting a sonnet is likely to ache for his unrequited love. Remus knew this. He made it quite a point to always make eye contact. It proves a very useful tactic in persuasive speech making. Lily felt it working right away; She immediately felt the need to go see Madame Pomfrey.

"Well, if I have time." she mumbled, referring to the essay she aught to have been writing.

"Lily," he took her hand, "I'm worried about you. You spent months in this musty, dank old place-"

"Better make sure Pince doesn't hear you."

"See, that spark you've got is trying to peek out between the layer of dust you've acquired in here." His words made her smile in spite of herself. "Come on outside; While it's still light." He pulled her up out of the chair, and lead her out of the library at a trot.

"Only a few more steps," she told herself, as they ran up the stairs to the top of the astronomy tower, and crashed through a door. Lily felt quite relieved that she had remembered her coat. It was crisp in a nostalgically fall way. Not quite so much from the cold wind as her own weakness, she began to shake. Regardless, sunshine beat down on her face and caused her to smile. She closed her eyes and raised her face up to the sun. She felt redeemed, hope came through her eyelids as the color red, Warming her heart.

Remus slid his fingers into her hand. She looked over at the blotch that was him, and was forced to close her eyes again, and then rub them in vein. When she looked at him again, he was less blotchy and more blurry, but smiling none the less. When he squeezed her hand in support, she couldn't help but smile more. Remus laughed and pulled her into a hug. Did he always have to make everything better, she pondered, from his joyful embrace.

Lily let out a sigh of relief. There was still good in the world after all.

"Lily?" Remus murmured.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry for bothering you about James all the time."

She still didn't open her eyes. A month cooped up in the library gave her real time to think, "I think I'm done with Grieving."

"I like you," he said, restating the fact for emphasis.

She felt herself smile at ths idea involuntarily, it was good to hear.

He pulled her chin up to face him. Lily knew what was going to happen and by no means planned to stop it.

"On one condition," she said sweetly, "James has to know. . ."

* * *

_Oh, now what?_

**REVEIW,** that's what.  
I accept Criticism, and squeels of glee.


	18. Choices

DISCLAIMED

SO MANY REVEIWS and stuff, thank you all SOOOOO much!

* * *

Chapter 19: Choices

Lily knocked shamefully on the boy's room door.

"What?" one voice said

"Who is it?" another said, tentatively.

"It's Lily." she said bravely.

"How'd you get-" voice one said.

"Come in?" Voice two said.

She turned the door knob slowly, as if expecting a rebuttal, and peeked around the door before entering. All five boys were present. Remus, stood with a half-folded shirt in his hands, looking slightly worried covered with cellophane courage. Peter was sitting on the floor beside his bed reading what looked like a text book. Frank was napping above his bed sheets. James was just standing, seeming innocent. And Sirius, soon to be revealed as 'voice one' loomed in the doorway to the bathroom.

"How'd you get up here?" he inquired, grumpily.

"I walked up the steps?" she wondered.

"How come we can never get up the girls-" James silenced him with a hand.

"Can I help you, love?"

"Er-" she scratched her ear, "I just wanted to talk to you."

"Alright." he stood there. Arrogantly, Lily thought, but she stifled those feelings.

"Can I just talk to you?" she tried to say pointedly.

"Alright." he raised an eyebrow. Peter got the hint, Sirius just entered the bathroom, and Frank snored loudly. James looked over at Remus, expecting him to leave, too.

"He should stay." Lily said looking at her feet.

"Oh." James sat down on his trunk. "I really was expecting this."

"James," Lily sat at his feet, "I-"

"No, no, It's alright." He sighed and looked up at Remus. "I'll just be needing a talk with you."

Lily jumped up and wrapped her arms around James' neck tightly.

"Oh, I love you, I love you." she kissed his forehead.

"I know." he said quietly.

She walked briskly toward Remus, and quickly hugged him and before leaving the room, saying to James, "Don't be too hard on him, okay?"

* * *

Life tended to seem a bit more fancy-free when Lily found herself in Remus' presence. He always smiled at her. James never really seemed upset at all, in fact he actually seemed to be content with Lily's happiness. All lily's troubles had steadily melted away in the past weeks.

This particularly lazy November evening James shooed some second years away from the fire and they all found themselves lounging about around a game of exploding snap. Peter held his cards close, for fear of cheaters. Sirius was distracted. Lily was out, and trying to put out her hair, While Remus and James seemed to battle out the last hand; Which Pete ended up winning, which was good because as close as the cards got to his face, he could have ended up without a chunk of nose or eyebrows.

A restless tapping came from across the room. Without even looking James raised his wand, "Accio Gurdy," he mumbled. The small flittering owl sped through the room and skidded to a stop on the pile of discarded cards.

"Whats'it you've got here." he unwrapped a letter, from the frustrated looking owl. She was small and rambunctious but not young anymore, she ruffled her feathers in the same way a middle aged housewife would have picked herself off the ground and fixed her apron, and then zoomed off, irritated.

James chewed his tongue as he read. "Mum wants us to come home for Christmas."

"Really?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, "Of course."

Sirius leaned back, looking miserably at the fire.

"You, too." James said; his eyes still moving across the parchment.

Sirius sat up excitedly. "Naturally." he smirked, and proceeded to with the next three rounds of exploding snap, until everyone got tired of his smug attitude, and quit. He went to bed with a smile.

"I am so excited for Christmas," Lily said, from between Remus and James on the couch. "Christmas at my house was usually quiet."

James saw the oncoming storm and took a detour, promptly. "Well, at my house," he put his arm around her, "there's silver hanging from everything," he held his hand out in front of the fire to symbolize the vision, "Large Christmas trees the size of giants, with thousands of glowing baubles," Lily's eyes started to droop. James was lost in his vision. "Portraits singing merrily, glittering snow everywhere!"

Lily adjusted herself into Remus' shoulder, there she could let her eyes droop.

". . .And thousands of wrapped boxes of joy." he finished dramatically. Lily was fast asleep. He smiled at her. Her face changed to completely content. To keep from going completely sentimental, he pointed at her sideways, "visions of sugar plums, aye?" He said to Remus, who silently chuckled in his way, as James got up to go to bed. "Make sure she get's to bed." he said as he wandered up the stairs.

Remus found it hard to wake a sleeping angel, as anyone would. He wanted to kiss her more than he could contain himself. Silently he brushed the hair from her face, and touched her cheek lightly. She smiled, definitely not asleep, but her eyes remained closed.

"Oh," Remus said, "If only she were awake I should snog her like there were no tomorrow. Too bad-"

She popped up quickly.

"Oh, I have awoken from my slumber!" she smiled mischievously. . .

* * *

Not the most exciting chapter, _I know. _but we all needed a little fluff.

plus imagining james saying "thousands of wrapped boxes of joy." cracks me up.


	19. V is for very very okay

DISCLAIM

A/N: Just a nice fluffy filler chapter, or so you think . . .

* * *

Chapter 20: V is for very very. . . okay.

Lily was wrapped up tightly in her coat, cloak, scarf, gloves and hat complete with bauble, but by far, the warmest part of her was the hand that rested warmly inside Remus Lupin's own palm. They swung their arms comically as they made their way to the Three Broomsticks, followed by Pete, Sirius, James, and Meg; Who unceasingly shot questions involving quidditch practice, quidditch tactics, and their quidditch players at James who tried to keep his cool, but it was wearing thin.

Lily shot periodical smiles at Remus. It had been an entire month and two days since they became a couple, and Lily was fully expecting something spectacular to become of this day. Finally the comical swinging of their arms became full out skipping, until Lily laughed so hard at their oddities that she couldn't completely manage the task of walking. Remus put his arm around her shoulder and guided her to the Three Broomsticks, laughing as well.

A soft tinkling bell greeted them as they entered. They made their way collectively to a large table near a window. James stepped aside, away from Meg, and mumbled something about getting drinks. They settled at their table nicely and James returned slowly with drinks.

Conversation buzzed heartily and Meg still attempted to slip in a few queries every now and then, that is, until Olivia and Alice joined them. Then, she ignored James; Who was brooding with Sirius; Who was ignoring Pete; Who only wanted to ask a question. Meg and Alice were discussing Alice's new boyfriend. Olivia and Peter began discussing an arithmancy question, awkwardly. And Remus and Lily were discussing the consequence of snow or no snow, and whether it is really good or bad right now.

Lily was finding Remus more and more amazing as the days went by. They could talk easily about anything, he was very kind hearted, and they were both slightly whimsical and acted quite care free around each other. They spent the majority of their afternoon in town at that small table among their friends, until the sun came out and Remus suggested they go for a walk about town.

"I hear Honeydukes has new shipments in," Remus said conversationally as they walked down the street, hand in hand. "Come on." They entered the bustling shop. Students were crammed in and everyone seemed to be moving the opposite direction as them. Still Remus held Lily's hand extra tight, so as not to get lost. He led her to a back corner filled with sour sweets, which looked quite dusty.

"Remus," Lily said, "This isn't exactly what I. . ."

"Oh I just thought you would like to try one of the scorching scorpions."

"I don't like those. . . " lily frowned in confusion.

"Oh, I think you will." Lily caught the slight humorous hint in his voice and delicately reached her hand into their jar. Her little finger brushed up against something light soft and silky, further down there was a stick, she lifted the odd object up from the bottom slowly. It's bright blossom revealed itself to be a lively and appropriate tiger lily. Remus smiled knowingly from beside her. She looked up at him questioningly.

"It's an everlasting Lily. I didn't know if you had a favourite, So, I got you this one, because it reminds me of you." Lily laughed, "In more way than one. Let's see," he held the flower, "Beautiful red hair, lovely green eyes, and of course all those gorgeous freckles on your nose." He kissed her nose as he handed it back to her. "Happy one month?"

"Thank you, Remus." Lily wrapped her arms around him and kissed him enthusiastically, right there in the shop. Something she had been trying to keep herself from doing for a while. It was just so very hard. Truthfully, even though they had only been together for one month, she was expecting something more. Not a present, but some words. Three little ones in particular, but she would never rush him along.

* * *

"Lily," Remus said tentatively from across the table where they sat in the common room, finishing up some studies work, "I've got to go see Professor Mcgonagall about a detention I'm supposed to be overseeing this evening."

"What poor things have detention on a Saturday night?" Lily inquired.

"Two hufflepuff boys that were trying to steal some potions supplies." He gathered up his stuff, "Anyway," he kissed her cheek, "I've got to get going." and with that he left.

Alone Lily was having a hard time finishing her studies. Her eyes began to drift from her paper. James Potter was lying on the couch reading a book. He was much more interesting than the dry old pages of her potions text. She sat on his legs. He continued to read.

"How was your day, James?" she asked.

"Cold."

"Really now." she laughed. "What did you get at Zonoko's?"

"I didn't go to Zonoko's."

She sat up and looked down at him in shock. "What? You always go to Zonoko's."

"It was cold. I had school work to do." He put the book down and looked up at her. "How was your day?"

"Nice." she settled for. "We went to the sweets shop and wandered the town."

"Just nice?"

"Well," she rolled over beside him again laying, this time facing downward, and propped up on her elbows. "I guess, It was . . . okay."

"Explain."

"Well . . . " she sighed, "I guess, I mean- I know we've only been really dating for a month, but I thought with how well things were going he would-" she found herself staring at the couch. "Well, I can't push him along or anything but I thought he was going to tell me he loved me."

James' face became very earnest . "Lily," he put one hand on her shoulder. "Don't- don't expect things to get too serious."

"What?"

"Just, don't let your heart get broken." he picked up his book, "Not that Remus would ever do anything, Just be careful. I want to make sure you're okay."

"Okay, James." She murmured. Lily was hurt, but knew he was trying to be helpful. That's what brother's did after all. And James was starting to feel like her brother more and more everyday, and she loved him for that. If she knew one thing, it was that James did love her. That she could rely on.

"Goodnight James." Lily said, sitting up beside him, "I love you." she said reassuringly. He smiled up at her heartily.

"Love you too, Lil."

* * *

Reveiw, please. I accept critisizm of the 4th and 5th degree but I will not tolerate 5th or 7th. 6 is just silly.


	20. She'll shoot your eye out kid

DISCLAIM

A/N: I pride myself in writing this particular following person's story, because they so often get left out or disregarded. I'm guilty of disregarding him, too.

* * *

Chapter 19: She'll shoot your eye out kid.

Pete was bored. Not just 'walking down the north hallway of the first floor watching his cloak swish and listening to the steady click of his shoes for fun' bored; but bored with life. It was very monotonous. He wasn't really the best at anything, but he wasn't really the worst either. He wasn't handsome, but he wasn't ugly. He wasn't cool, but he wasn't really uncool. He began to wonder to himself that if it were not for James and Sirius, would he be even more of a nobody, or would he be a somebody? James and Sirius were always there for him; But was he cool by association, or did everyone think of him as less cool because he was always boosted by them?

While Pete was aimlessly wandering and pensively staring at his loafers, he completely failed to notice the figure standing in front of one of the many tapestries. She did not blend in, She thought she was pretty obvious. Her obvious alternative was to cough.

Pete jumped (He was a very jumpy person). A curvy dark haired girl was leaning against a tapestry filled with giggling maidens.

"Peter?"

He looked around, as if there were other Peters in the deserted hall. "Yeah."

She tried very hard not to roll her eyes at him, "I know you." she walked up to him very close. "You were the one who pulled all the pranks on the slytherins last year, with Potter, and Sirius . . ." He did not want to confirm such a thing, because in doing so she might hex him, and he was not quick with a wand. "You know, I didn't like you then," she smiled and looked him over, "But up close, you don't look so bad." She bit her lip. Realization slapped him on the face.

"Oh, I don't think I really am, _bad_." He raised an eyebrow, like Sirius taught him.

She tired not to gag, and made her laughter sound, less harsh than usual.

"Are- are you a slytherin?" Pete wondered aloud.

"Well, yes, but more or less." She held out her hand and used this as an excuse to get closer to him. "I'm Bellatrix . . . Jones."

"So, Bellatrix, what are you doing around the castle during the holidays?" He was finding it easier and easier to talk to this complete stranger than anyone else.

"Oh, nothing really, I've been quite bored."

"Well, would you like to hang out sometime," Pete smiled. For the first time a girl liked him, not James or Sirius, or even Remus; Him.

Bellatrix smiled her best most innocent smile, "why, that'd be so amazing. Could you tell me how you devise you clever hijinks?"

"Well, I am sworn to secrecy, but-" He leaned in, oozing suave that he never knew he could muster, "we'll see."

"Oh," Bellatrix laughed stupidly, "Well, I'll see you around, this evening."

"How about after supper?"

Bellatrix smiled and nodded. "Well, got to be on my way."

Bellatrix watched him round the last corner, before sprinting off in the other direction.

"Rodolphus!" she whispered hastily, He slid out from behind a statue. "Went perfectly. What a dummy."

"Grand." He beckoned her towards him, and pulled her up close.

"He will be proud of us. I will be worthy to join in soon" Bellatrix smiled wickedly. Rodolphus kissed her. "I won't have to _do_ anything with him, do you think?" she queried.

"Mmm." he kissed her jaw, "I sure hope not, because I want you all to myself."

"You know," she simpered, "I do think the common room is empty and none of the girls stayed for the holidays. . ."

"No," he removed himself from her neck, "I really must be off, I can't be seen here. You get to Potter. I'll tell the Dark Lord how helpful you've been.".

* * *

UH OH.

Reviews are appreciated. I accept crazy theories as well.


	21. Merry

DISCLAIM

Short but _Thick_.

* * *

Chapter 21: Merry

Lily was jolted awake early -before the sun- on Christmas morning by two figures; One still bouncing at her feet and the other could just be seen tumbling off the side of her bed. She leaned over and clicked the lamp beside her on.

The light hurt her eyes, but James kneeled down towards her, still bouncing; "Christmas, Lily! Presents!"

"Allrigh' Immup" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes, and pulling her sheets away. James grabbed her arm, and waited for Sirius to stand up again, rubbing his head, before they set off down the hall, jumping down the stairs two at a time, headed straight for a gargantuan illuminated Christmas tree set directly in the middle of their main hall. As they hit the landing Lily could only stand in awe of the scene looming before her. The lights flickered magically on the tree, lighting the wrapped boxes just so that her heart sang. Snow floated down around the room and-

"Lily!" she was snatched from her joy, "this one's for you!" James teased, he disappeared behind the tree.

Lily ran on pure adrenaline the entire morning; around the tree, through her presents. That first pure grin of true joy never left her face, not once. It was still there nestled on her face when she sat on the couch of their study that very evening. She sat cozyied up in a small lumpy arm chair, wrapped in a soft blanket, holding a warm cup of hot chocolate in her hands with a melted candy cane hanging on the inside. A softly dying fire illuminated the world in gold. James and Sirius lay on the ground between Lily and the fire, lazily playing a game of wizard's chess, as their energy had worn out hours ago. Mr. And Mrs. Potter were snuggled up happily on the sofa across from Lily, dozing lightly.

Life in her mind could not have been more perfect. She was not sure if this was what heaven was like but it was pretty darn close. Her insides were all fuzzy, and the air around her was warm with the idea of a family. Siblings who loved her, and Parents who were happy. Not that her parents had been unhappy, just very subtle with their affections; and of course not that her sister didn't deep down inside, love her. However, Lily was feeling more at home that ever she had at her own home.

If only she could freeze time and remain here forever. She settled with observing and soaking in the scene as much as possible. A sensation like the static of everything turning off and focusing on this life, filled her mind. Try though she might, she could not keep her eyes open for very long. Soon she was lulled into a light slumber, and the love that coursed through her veins at that very moment was the thickest and most pure love that had ever existed. And at that very instant, Fate decided something very important for the outcome of Lily Evan's love.

Lily's head fell forward and she snapped awake. Her hot chocolate and blanket were gone. And though she hardly felt she had dozed at all, she must have, for she was somewhere completely different indeed. Fear raced through her. Pain ached at her. And the strange room that surrounded her, did not make her feel anything but worse. She felt dizzy and nauseous. The shock and pain ached inside her terribly and she could feel the sudden sour taste of sickness in her mouth and ache rising in her throat. . .

* * *

Reveiw. I accept crazy theories.


	22. Twice

DISCLAIM

_PLOT!_

* * *

Chapter 22

James woke, late into the night. He could had sworn he heard something, like a _Pop_, but he wasn't sure if he had dreamt it or not. He got up to see if it was anything worth worrying about. He stood out in the hallway, It was dark and cold, he didn't see or hear anything. He was about to head back into his room when Sirius popped his head out of his door.

"Was that you, mate?" he asked.

James began to worry. "You heard something?"

"Was it you?"

"No." he looked over at Lily's door suspiciously, before knocking quietly. There was no response. He knocked louder. Sirius came all the way out into the hallway. "Lil?" James asked the door. "Sorry, Lily, but I'm coming in." He pulled on the door handle but it wouldn't budge.

"Hey, mate let me." Sirius inquired.

"I can unlock a door, Si-"

"I know you can," he looked dangerous, "But I think, that door is meant to be unlocked, by you." He had been told what had been over heard at the Hog's Head. James, afraid to admit such a feeble trick, still felt a little afraid. He stepped aside.

"_Alohamora_," Sirius whispered to the knob, tapping it with his wand. It clicked lightly. Sirius pushed it open, but stood back. Nothing happened.

"See," James said, he walked over to Lily's bed. He snapped back around to Sirius. "She's gone."

"Maybe she went to the bathroom," he walked over to the bathroom. Empty. "Kitchen?"

"I don't think so." James said. He began pacing back and forth. James Potter always had a plan. But right now, he was more worried than creative, and he couldn't quite process anything. "They took her." he said. Sirius had never seen his friend truly afraid, but he could hear it now in his voice, underneath his calm demeanor. "Where, where and how do we get there," he ran his hands through his hair, frustrated.

Sirius' mind was blank. He was the action-taking guy, the egger-on. He wasn't the idea man. Yet, he still couldn't help but feel useless. It was James' idea to help Remus. He just moved the idea along. It was James' idea for the map. Sirius just helped plan everything. James invented the pranks, Sirius just applied them. Still, he was not one for sitting down and doing nothing.

"We- we could try a really strong summoning charm," Sirius suggested hopefully.

"What?" James looked up from his stupor.

"We could try to summon her back." he repeated.

"Well, it depends on where they took her." James countered. "I heard a pop so they probably side-along dissaperated her. They could be anywhere," he sighed, "but it's worth a try. Together, then?"

Sirius stood beside him, both with their wands out, facing the door. "_Accio Lily_!" they said determinately. They waited what felt like a half an hour. Nothing happened.

"Perhaps you can't summon people."

"Try again, louder, and say her surname, too."

"_ACCIO LILY EVANS_!" they shouted fiercely. As the minutes passed this time, James could hear his heart thump in his chest. It was dead silent as they waited for a _swish_ or _whoosh_ or _pop_, but nothing happened, again.

"Okay." James said trying to keep calm. "Okay that didn't work but there are methods of finding people, and getting there."

"House elves!" Sirius quipped. "The house elves know where every member of the family is! That's why they just pop up whenever you need them!"

James nearly jumped on him, "Yes! Yes they do!" He called out into the darkness; "Nancy?"

There was a very quiet pop.

"Sir?" came a squeaky voice from near his knee.

"Nancy, Do you think you could apparate us to Lily?"

"Both masters?" She looked around James to Sirius, "I don't think I could, both masters."

James shrugged to Sirius in an 'It's the only way' way. "Just me then," he said to Nancy.

"Sir." She reached up a hand to him, he took it, "Don't be moving." she said.

James slowly began to feel as if he was free falling, but he never landed, yet here he was standing in front of a very large house, with overly elaborate hedges, a walk, vines growing all over it's face, and an old iron gate. Nancy fell to the ground limply.

"I am not sure why it won't let me to her, Sir." she gestured towards the house. James felt a sense of Imminent peril, but knew he had to go after Lily, no matter what.

* * *

Lily looked up around her as the contents of her stomach hit the floor. The room was small with large, grime, and 'I don't want to know what else,' covered stone floor. Chains hung from the walls like the ones that clasped her hands painfully above her. Her wrists ached, and when she moved them within the iron, she could feel sores peel away from the metal and sting. A million questions flooded her mind as she opened her mouth to lick her dry lips. Her tongue tasted sour from the bile. She could still taste the coppery bits that were her lips. _How long had she been down here? How did she get here? Why was she here? Where was here?__ What was going to happen to her? _She couldn't think them fast enough.

Something wet and warm hit the side of her face. She couldn't see what it was, but when she looked up. One of the greatest regrets of her life. There were at least six bodies above her. She immediately began to feel sick again. From her quick glance she knew they were not in the best condition, at that was all she needed to know. Fear gripped her insides, much fiercer than it had before, she could feel it rushing through her veins. Her head was spinning, her eyes went out of focus, and everything went dark, for the second time, but only just after she glimpsed the opening of the barbaric rusted iron door before her. . .

* * *

reviEWww.

how awful is Lily feeling? pretty awful.  
So, this is why the rating is actually as high as it is.

I think I'm going to put this story in three parts (not literally.) but, by each time they end up facing voldemort for their_ "thrice defied"_ thing.

yeah.


	23. This Opposite

DISCLAIM

_Sorry for taking so long to post. I've been having a life. a good one :) in cape cod! fun times. good friends, food and frisbee!  
So, next chapter won't be up until wednesday. Because i have to fix the plot and retype the next chapter. . . so posting little ideas and inqueries would be beneficial._

* * *

Chapter 23: This Opposite

Lily woke for the second time that day feeling quite out of place to the opposite extreme. She sat up from bed, silken sheets fell away from her. She looked around at the utterly unnecessarily lavish room. Marble floors attached to gold trimmed intricately carved panels that covered the walls that surrounded the paneled ceiling which featured a shimmering chandelier. Everything was gold, trimmed in gold or featured pearls. Even her night gown, and lamp on her marble bedside table. This room made James' whole house look like a dark cabin.

There was a note on the bedside table.

_Get dressed and come to dinner._

She flipped it over. There was nothing else. She looked around for her clothes but they were no where to be found. There was however, a beautiful wardrobe which contained one thing. A delicate golden dress, it shimmered and shone and despite the odd and dire position she was in; she knew it was beautiful. Having not found her own clothes anywhere, she assumed it was this that she was supposed to wear. She slipped it on; using her method of not ever actually being unclothed. Just in case someone was watching her; Which she highly suspected. It fit like a glove. Somehow that made her very upset. Amidst all of this madness, and here she was looking like an angel.

She walked out the door, into the overly elaborate hallway. Down just away there was a door cracked open with voices floating out.

"Why must you be so foolish, Malfoy?"

"I took her like you asked, you did not tell me there was more to it than that."

"I guess I overestimated you."

"No, my lord."

"Well, she is on her way then."

"Should be here any moment, My lord."

"Get on with it then." the was a swish and the voices stopped. Lily figured she should not enter right away. She paced a bit before faking an entrance.

She peeked in the door way, looking around curiously.

"Come in, Miss Evans." the boy said, standing up. Once Lily saw his face she recognized him at once. He graduated a few years ago, and he was still just a boy. She silently, slowly and nervously entered the room.

"Have a seat." He gestured to a table filled to the edge with every kind of food she could think, steaming, colorful and juicy looking. She suddenly found herself ravishingly hungry but knew she must resist it all. She could barely contain her fear and suspicion, but managed.

Malfoy sat across from her. "Eat up." She only looked at the place set before her.

After a moment Malfoy spoke. "I have a proposition for you," he said.

"Oh?" she said after a long, silent pause.

"I won't ever let you see that place again," she knew of where he spoke, and grew cold. "If you stay here with me." He chewed something slowly.

"And, what happens then?"

He stood up and walked around her.

"You marry me," he touched her hair, She felt another urge to be sick, "And no one will ever know that you were muggle-born. You will be safe. You will be powerful, with me."

Lily's face flushed. She could not say 'No,' and yet she could not very well say 'Yes,' either.

He poured some wine and handed her a glass.

"I will protect you from the rising threat that is facing your world."

She felt hot. Without thinking about it she raised the glass to her lips, it gave her something to do, so she would not feel so awkward. She immediately began to feel the effect of her stupidity. The only thing she could think to do was throw-up, she couldn't force herself to do it, and the effects of the potion in the wine was already working on her. She felt light and bubbly. Pulling the glass away from her lips a smile so thick pulled almost painfully on her lips and her stomach bubbled. Her heart swooped and she felt like dancing . . .

* * *

"She's in there?" James asked, Nancy nodded. The iron gate seemed to grow a few feet.

"Well, Nancy, go home, I'll be back." she disaparated silently with a pained expression.

He stood before the gates and tapped them lightly with his wand, "_Alohamora_." He pushed on the gate, it chimed it's flat metal notes but nothing happened. He figured to try to summon something for the second time this evening, "_Accio Comet 350!"_ It took a moment but soon his broom came racing out of the sky. He snatched it out of the air and zoomed up and over the gate.

James arrived at the door, Also locked, and 'Alohamora' resistant. He decided to knock. Almost immediately it was opened.

"Hello." squeaked a female elf with a pot belly, "Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for. . . er. . ." James realized he did not know who lived here.

"This way," the elf let him in knowingly, and closed the door behind him. He began to scamper down a hallway then another, then up a few stair cases and down a hallway. James followed until they came up to one door, like all the others.

"Wait out here." the elf told him. He entered the door and James waited outside for a few minutes until the elf waddled back out and gestured for James to enter. . .

* * *

_yeah. _

_Reviews are appreciated, so are critisizms and crazy ideas._


	24. Crucial

DISCLAIM

_ER- yes. I got another chapter typed, but the next one might not be up until monday or wednesday, sorry :(_

* * *

Chapter 24: Crucial

The elf gestured for James to enter the room. James sat his broom beside the door. Flickering light escaped, as the whole room was lit by crackling fire or shimmering candelabra. A soft giggle came from the opposite side of the room. James turned so quickly he felt a crick in his neck. He had imagined a million horrible things happening upon entering the room, but never this.

Lily sat poised and perched on the lap of a blonde sleek looking young man. James vaguely recognized him, and associated quickly with the name Malfoy; the Rich, vile, heir of a vast pure family fortune.

She was feeding him grapes.

James failed to locate Malfoy's left hand, and had trouble deciding on worry over it's resting place, or what it might be hiding. Malfoy looked up at him, at last.

"Oh, Mr. Potter," he said, and Lily looked up inquisitively, but with an odd blank look in her eyes. James had no idea how calm he looked on the outside but on the inside he was white hot and shaking with anger. But years of training as a minister's son (and troublemaker,) kept him cool and suave. "I'm glad you've come. I guess I will have no need to ask a meeting with you."

James just raised an eyebrow. Malfoy motioned for him to sit at the table before them. James did not sit.

"No need to be rude." Malfoy tsked. Lily shook her finger at him. "I have needed your intervention here." He gestured at Lily. "She is just so set, on marrying me." he laughed, coldly. Lily stroked his cheek affectionately. James dug his nails into the chair beside himself, and could not keep his glare from surfacing. "And, I need you to give your permisssion for such a union."

"And why should I do that?"

"Because if you don't-" he took Lily's chin in his hand and looked into her dead eyes. "I'll kill her." She smiled, stupidly, as if this were a joke.

"You wouldn't-"

"Oh, it would be all too easy. I could have her do it."

"Why do you want to marry her anyway?" he acrimoniously asked, "She's not a pure-"

"The truly pure are hard to come by these days, and," he turned her face towards James. James fixed his eyes on Malfoy. "Have you not seen how breathtaking she is? Such beautiful features and those eyes-"

"Those aren't her eyes," James tried not to let his gaze falter.

"No," Malfoy looked back at her, "and I do so love her eyes." James watched him being taken in by her scent, the one he felt sometimes inside of him when she got too close.

New fires of rage burned within him. James reached slowly for his pocket where his wand was kept.

"I wouldn't do that," Malfoy said calmly. "Now, to my proposal.

"I will kill her . . . " He turned, revealing the wand facing the back of lily's neck. "And _you_, Unless you join my Lord on his quest for the purification of wizard kind."

"Why do you want me?" James asked. Malfoy's face turned serious.

"We are not ignorant, Mr. Potter, But maybe you are. You would be a very valuable asset to the future of the world." he looked at Lily again, "and maybe we would even let you keep Ms. Evans."

James mind ran at a million miles a minute. Lily or the rest of the world, those were really his options. James was never one to follow rules or guidelines. "Never." He hissed.

"Fine." Malfoy stood, dumping Lily in the chair. She promptly became limp. James pulled his wand first.

"_EXPELLIARMUS!_" with all the anger he felt bubbling in him. "_Levicorpus!_" Malfoy was suspended by his Ankle, his wand out of reach. James rushed towards Lily, she was not breathing. He touched her arm, she was as cold as ice.

"I'm so sorry," he stroked her cheek. He was too in shock to feel anything besides guilt.

His wand flew out of his hand unceremoniously.

James stood up slowly and raised his arms above his head.

"There's no need for that, boy." a cold voice said from behind him. James looked before himself; a dusty mirror sat on a shelf, in it's reflection he could see his own face, and the some-what face of a thin man behind himself. The man, looked at the back of James' head with a sick, grey skin, and wide reddish eyes. "Let's be civilized here. Face me."

James turned around, and looked the man directly in his unnatural eyes.

"You must be James Potter," he said in the tone of a man who would hold out his hand kindly. But the man's hand still held his wand firmly facing James' chest.

"You must be the Man calling himself 'Lord Voldemort'." The man bowed his head slightly.

"I hear great things of you, James." He said, "But I have never heard of your lack of humility. Do you think you are too great to join_ me_? Do you think poorly of family values? Join me, James. You will be a valuable asset to the world. I can give you protection, and power."

Bubbling spit hit Voldemort's cheek; He winced. "How dare you. . .

_"Crucio!_"

* * *

_Reveiw._


	25. Sweetest Downfall

DISCLAIM

_THANK YOU SO MUCH. for being SO patient, I know this is at least four days late. I'm sorry.  
__Secondly **Thank you** for all the lovely reveiws. so many! They really keep me going. Well, I've typed the next three chapters in the story so the next chapter WILL be up sooner than this.__I love you guys!_

* * *

**Cha****pter 27:**** Sweetest Downfall**

"Pete?" A voice echoed as he passed a corner, in an arbitrary hallway where his feet had carried him. He turned back to face the person he had been absent mindedly looking for.

"Bella," he nodded at her, trying to keep his cool. "How are you?"

"Just swell. What have you been up to?"

"Just heading to the . . ." He had to think about where he was in fact, "Library?"

"Oh," she shuffled her feet innocently. "I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to go for another walk?"

"That would be great."

He held out his arm for her to take, and they made there way slowly down the corridor. "You don't have to go to the Library?"

"No," he leaned in closer, "Got it all up here."

Bella seriously doubted this. However, Pete continued his attempts at wooing her all the way out into the deserted courtyard; Where they sat on a bench (that Pete had Magically De-iced), and proceeded to talk of classes and New Years plans.

Bella shivered noticeably, and when Pete did not get the hint she said off-hand, "Bit colder than usual."

Pete was not completely ignorant. James once taught him the fine art of putting your arm around a girl. For Example; When draping your cloak over her shoulders, let your arm linger and see what she does.

Bella immediately snuggled into his side.

"Thank you."

* * *

"Ready?" Petes hands rested on Bella's nose, covering her eyes delicately.

She nodded "Mmhmm."

He slipped his hands away from her warm cheeks. "Happy New Year!"

All of Peter's ignorance, clumsiness, and annoying habits slipped from her mind. Bella actually felt a little skip in her heart at the sentiment. A small blanket laid out before them with two cushions and two sets of dinnerware, lit with candles and various deserts. Two years with Rodolphus and he had never done anything like this before. "Oh," she let slip, a real emotion.

She felt a small amount of guilt at what information she was about to extract from him, but it was soon over. Even though the soft pink in his cheeks, would always make her smile at his innocence.

Evening swept over them swiftly and soon the sun was gone. The cold air whipped around them in the dying light that resonated over the mountains in the distance. They sat, cloaks wrapped up tight, long into the darkness, before Pete offered warm rescue in the Gryffindor common room, "The few that have stayed for break are long asleep by now and, I don't think they'll mind one Slytherin."

Until very, very late that night they talked of school, life, the future and the war. Bella found each subject easier and easier to persuade this ignorant boy on.

"I don't see what's so wrong, with them," she said simply, "they haven't hurt anybody, and they're very moral. They've got their heads screwed on right. It seems to me that everyone else is just aimlessly wandering about the planet, Whereas they've got a plan."

"Yeah, they do." Peter commented skeptically.

"They've got Family values and they're there protecting our kind, who's to say that's wrong."

"True."

"I mean, the ministry is basically accusing them of things they never did because they're afraid of change. It's all politics to them, they're practically corrupt."

"You've got a mighty good point there." Pete was beginning to feel sympathetically for the so called 'death-eaters'.

"They're just trying to institute family values in a world where the corruption has control of the important things." she straightened up. "I plan to join them in their fight for the morality of the world. Would-" she lowered her eyes, "would you join me."

"Alright."

* * *

_Dun dun dun. _


	26. Impervious

DISCLAIM.

_I think- yup, I just heard about 70 people yell "Finally!" Gosh am I ever annoying, huh? Well, won't bore you with me scars, here's the continuing tale! EEEEeeeeeee_

* * *

**Chapter 26: Impervious**

_". . . Crucio!"_

James ducked.

"_Imperio!_" James was too busy watching the last curse fly off to miss the next one. His eyes glazed over and his spine pulled him up straight. Words -instructions- were floating throughout his thoughts. They were silly it seemed. He found himself obeying simpler ones but it seemed all too easy to ignore some. His senses came naturally telling him some things, then after a momenthe awoke when he heard the words, "Kill her."

"No." he said, like in a dream when he could run no faster he could speak no louder.

"Then I will." The voice hissed in his ear awaking a ferocity in James' heart.

"No!" he said and his hand cut through the air. Without words or a wand, James send a golden whip through the air slashing across Voldemort's torso.

He laughed at it, and sent a red curse towards James; who realized he had been holding Lily in his left arm and shielded her quickly.

The red light bounced off the mirror behind him and slashed across Voldemort's sickly grey face. He spun and fell face forward, in front of the fireplace, inanimate. James quickly stole back his wand his wand and ran out the door with Lily in his arms.

He had no idea what he was doing. He just knew that he was doing something and that seemed to be enough. Considering the utter shock and danger of the situation he was amazed at his ability to do anything including breathing. James was running on adrenaline and improvising. It worked for him. It was a natural instinct. One looking onto the situation, one would have assumed he had a plan.

His broom was outside the door still. He held Lily tightly, and sat her in front of himself as he sped quickly away from that room, and that hall, that floor, those stairs; the house. He flew at blurry speeds and did not look back, he would not have stopped had his arms fallen off.

Out in a street, a few cities away, James finally caught his breath and slowed to a stop, and began walking. No one was following him. Out here in the blinding sun he was just some odd boy in night robes walking down the street with a sleeping red-head in his arms. Which is not what he felt like; A child who nobody believes about the monster in his closet. Eyes popped through curtains at him. All he could think, however, was that Lily still wasn't breathing.

James had absolutely no idea where they were. Although he did not have his apparation licence, He had done it once with his father, and hoped he had the will power to do it now. He still felt like he could do anything.

He concentrated very hard on himself and Lily arriving wholly in the main hall of his own home. James picked her off the bench nimbly and held her tightly, But she was a cold fish. Her Head flopped backward. He placed it on his shoulder. He spun on his ankle with his eyes shut painfully tight. Air rushed past his ears, he couldn't move and Lily was squished against him in what felt like a tube, but he could not open his eyes yet.

They arrived, he felt, and Lily fell limply again beside him. He opened his eyes. They were a few feet inside the door. He took a breath of relief, and looked upon Lily's face.

She looked so peaceful and sweet. Guilt and pain rose up in his throat. He began to let his mind wander into a dark forest of 'what if's and 'why's. He walked all the way to Lily's room and didn't remember it, or tucking her in, afterwards. Next thing he knew, it was just done. He was staring at her silently. His mind was filled with the quiet static of nightlife that you can only hear after long periods of noise. He didn't remember there being noise, just panic. He thought slowly about what to do, realizing, that his mother was a healer and he should get her right away.

He walked slowly out of Lily's room and shut the door silently behind him. At first he walked, then jogged, and then finally ran up the second flight of stairs to his Mother's study. James burst through the door unceremoniously, to find his mother sobbing.

"James!" She squeaked, and flung her arms around him "James, oh, I thought you had died! Leaving in the middle of the night-"

"-Lily's hurt!" He interrupted, and pointed out the door. A look of terror arose on her face and she bustled out of the door quickly. James followed her quickly but by the time he arrived, His mother was already holding Lily up straight.

"We need to go to St. Mungo's right away. You can take the bus later." She disapparated with a resilient pop. He tried not to get upset with her; Leaving him there and all. But he could not quite help it. He briskly stalked across the hall to Sirius' room.

James opened the door to find Sirius asleep in a chair beside the door.

"_Augumenti,_" water splashed over Sirius' face. He gasped for air.

"Gah! What happened, did you find her?" He stood up clumsily.

"Yes, but Mum took her to the hospital, we've got to catch the Night Bus."

"But, it's morning-"

"It will still come." He walked away without any further ado. Sirius followed quickly.

"Well, what happened . . .?"

* * *

_Oh! What did happen to Lily?! Why? How did James snap out of it? _

_REVEIW!_


	27. waiting Room

DISCLAIM.

_Oh dear. . ._

* * *

**Chapter 27: Waiting room**

"I don't know what she has!" James said angrily to the blonde witch at the reception counter, "Can't you just tell me where she is?"

"Are you any relation to Miss. Evans?" She asked, unnecessarily loud and forcefully cheerful.

"I'm her brother."

"Well, I suppose." She flicked her wand at something on her desk. "Room 435, Fourth floor."

"Thank you!" James said exasperated. He walked briskly up to the elevator doors, and pressed the 'Up' button. A cheery bell _dinged_ and it signaled that it was coming from the second floor. James waited impatiently. Sirius tapped his foot. Finally the elevator _dinged_ again and the golden doors slid open. He stepped inside, with Sirius on his heals, for the slow ride up to fourth floor.

James paced around in the small area, forcing Sirius up against the back wall. He ran his hand threw his hair until his fingers were numb with the feeling of it. Sirius repeatedly pressed the button with the number "4" on it and mumbled about the pace. Finally a resounding _Ding_ and the doors slid open smoothly, but not quick enough for James who pushed through them. He read the sign for room numbers without missing a step and burst through the double doors to the right. Sirius followed at a slower pace. James nearly ran down the hallway, head first, to room 435. Where he was held back by a man in a green healer's lab coat.

"Where do you think you're-" James looked at the man fiercely in hopes he would stand aside but he just stared back defiantly. "This is a closed ward you're not allowed to be here unless there immediate family inside."

"My father-"

"Is he in there?"

James seethed. He was ready to shoot steam out his ears! He had gone to all the trouble of rescuing her from who knows what in the hands of the darkest wizard of their time, and he couldn't even see her fate. He would had single handedly taken down every staff man and woman if he had to.

"James!" Mrs. Potter popped her head through the door behind the healer, "Please wait outside, I'll be with you in a minute."

"How is she?" He asked quickly.

Mrs. Potter gave a shrug that meant something along the lines of "I'm not really sure," and "I'd tell you if I could, dear."

His rage diverged quickly into hopelessness and despair. He fell into a metal chair across the hall and rested his head warily in between his hands. Closing his eyes to keep his emotions from escaping he took another stroll through his 'What if's and 'Why's

Random healers walked in and out of the ward with varying degrees of urgence and frustration. With everyone, a situation formed in James' mind.

A Nurse in white pushed through the door slowly carrying a tray of what-not. James' head popped up once more. She walked away. He began speculating what was on the tray, and what her boring demeanor could mean towards the fate of Lily. And the same thoughts pursued two urgent healers, A crying young woman, Three more nurses and an old man wandering aimlessly in a pin striped hospital robe and top hat.

Finally after what they felt was years of anticipation, Mrs. Potter exited the doors slowly, taking extra care to close them behind her. James and Sirius leapt up with eager eyes, and weak faces. Mrs. Potter faced them with a sigh.

"You can go see her." Sirius hopped through the doors, leaving them swinging. James stayed behind to inquire about her fate.

"She was under the Imperius." Mrs. Potter spoke to nothing. "But something half-broke the curse and- and she's trapped in some sort of sleep. Healer Quinton is running some tests on antidotes and we should know in a few days. I pulled a few strings and He says he'll make it as soon as possible. But, I- I don't know if there is anything we can do right now."

James patted her on the shoulder and slipped through the door to visit with Lily.

* * *

_Don't you hate it when james does get pompous and says things like "My Father-"?_


	28. FairyTalish

DISCLAIM.

_Oh, It feels so good to get this out there after all the typing I've done all week.  
(So, on a personal note, I totally saw Ben folds on thursday. I adore him I was pretty up close, too.)_

_Sorry about the previous Typo. It's fixed._

* * *

**Chapter 28: Fairy-talish.**

James sorely wished that "enchanted sleep" meant something fairytalish and peaceful. Where he could sit at Lily's bed side watching her sleep with an unworried face. Silently praying for her recovery, with hope and determination towards a cure.

No, He could hardly sit by her at all. She thrashed about and moaned and cried restlessly. The curtains were drawn up around them to bid riddance to the prying eyes around them. Lily's face was contorted with pain and unrest. This wasn't sleep. This was nightmares. Sirius had gone again, frightened by the sight, with the excuse of getting tea. James could not think of how to handle the situation. He felt that if he just grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her she would wake up, and everything would be fine. He also felt an urge to calm her, hold her in his arms so she would not be so scared. Alas, his feet would not move and his eyes would not blink. Lily was hurting and there was _nothing _he felt he could do.

When the Healers left the general area, he did try to calm her. She pushed away from him. When he took her hand she yanked it back. She ignored him when he asked her to calm down. He felt useless, and awkward standing idly by the bed of a thrashing mad woman.

The awkward faded away after a few hours. People came and went. James sat, motionless, staring at her face. Wondering what she could be dreaming of. Sirius handed him tea about two hours ago and it still sat on his lap one hand wrapped around the cold cup, untouched. He was in a trance. Much later Mrs. Potter beckoned him to come home. They would return very early the next day, She promised.

Once again, James sat idly by Lily's bed side, amongst various flowers and cards. James had woken earlier that morning to get a bouquet for her. Tiger lilies filled the vase, accompanied inaesthetically with some buttercups and a pink swirly looking think James didn't know the name of. They were lively and he liked them. Sandwiches were brought, tea and cakes. The day went by slower and slower. Until it was non-visiting hours and James was forced home again for another sleepless night of worry. He was beginning to develop dark areas under his eyes from not blinking. Sirius wouldn't admit it and James wouldn't ask, but more than once he had been seen with red eyes and a rosy nose. James felt himself growing more pathetic every time he saw Sirius and sympathized with him deep inside.

Finally on the third day of waiting, James didn't really know how long, a Healer finally dropped off a clipboard with Mrs. Potter. They mumbled for a while and Sirius, Remus (For he had arrived earlier in the day off an express train) and James exchanged looks of curiosity and worry. They chattered and gestured, James could make hardly anything of the conversation. He checked some things beside Lily's bed. Mrs. Potter sat next to Sirius.

"Well," She spoke to them all but looked at the floor, "They say she's fighting the curse, however, if _he_ realizes she's still under the curse, He could take her back easily. But as of now we have no idea what He knows and no ideas of how to help her will herself away. Healer Dorian says perhaps some encouraging words, in her sleep, after we fix her up with a calming draught that won't impair her mind in her state."

"She won't be-" James interrupted, The first things he'd said in a long time, "She'll be okay?"

"Most likely," Mrs. Potter said, glancing at Lily, Currently being given a dose of the draught, reluctantly. "But we do not know if it will take a few hours or a few months."

"Couldn't we put her under another imperius, and take that one away?"

"No, I believe they would just scramble her mind, and she may not come out of it alright."

Lily lay still beside them, finally. Mrs. Potter stood up to look at her. Lily's face was peaceful. Mrs. Potter sighed and relaxed visibly.

"That should help," The Healer stated. "Words of encouragement would be helpful." and he walked away.

Mrs. Potter put her arm around Sirius.

"She'll be okay. She'll be okay." Mrs. Potter mumbled as she hugged his shoulders, "I'm going to get some tea." She left swiftly hiding her face in a cloth.

"We should encourage her." Sirius mumbled. They gathered in close around Lily.

"This isn't odd at all." James said, Making them all smile a little as they leaned in.

"You can do it Lily." Remus said, nicely.

"Come on, then." Sirius said, as if this were all a game of Quidditch.

"Lily I know you can do this." James said, looking at the sheets. They all turned a little pink. However, they continued to awkwardly encourage the peaceful looking girl.

After a while Remus said, "I really should be getting home. I'll be back tomorrow first thing." And left with one last, "come on, Lily!"

Hours passed. Sirius fell asleep in the hard hospital chair mumbling. James stopped speaking a while ago, but proceeded to watch Lily. Her eyes moved underneath her eye lids. Every 7 minutes her two smallest fingers on her left hand moved. James closed her hand around hers, so he couldn't watch them each time with a painful spark of hope. He squeezed her hand tightly. "Come on, Lily. You can do this." He was getting quite ridiculous. he considered the fairy-tale approach leaning in to her ear.

"I love you, Lily," he whispered, letting his guard down, "I love you."

Next thing he knew. He was on the floor cupping blood from his nose, looking up at Lily, looking down at him. She looked too shocked to speak.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Are_ you_?"

* * *

_I'd like to thank some specific reveiwers.  
Quibbler142, is a real apreciator. __Maxie1514, Stinkabhel, Lily's Petal, have reveiwed almost everysingle chapter. thank you. Fiffth Marauder I adore your enthusiasm.__  
_ you all rock.

I really adore what you think, even if it's bad things.


	29. The moral of the story is

DISCLAIM.

_I dunno what I'm going to do after harry potter 7 comes out._

_She's Alive!_

* * *

Chapter 29: The moral of the story is

"You okay?" James asked.

"Are _you_?" Lily looked down at his blood stained face.

"I think tho."

Lily frowned.

James stood up pulling his hand away from his face and wiping the drops of blood on his shirt sleeve and breathed out his nose to clear it up. "I've had worse." He stared at her for a minute and then hugged her very tightly.

"Bloody-" Sirius jumped up from his chair a momenet later, and wrapped his arms around Lily, too. James Looked back at her face. She looked confused, but happy to be received so well.

"I'll go get mum-" Sirius dashed off.

Lily swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "What happened? I don't remember coming here."

"You were under the Imperius."

"I know that." she said, voice raspy from unuse.

"_He_ got knocked out, and you sort of fell into an 'enchanted sleep.'"

"Fairytale-ish." she wasn't concerned

"Not quite."

"What do you mean?"

"You were thrashing about for days-"

"I do feel a little sore." she flexed her arms.

"-you looked like you were having terrible nightmares."

Lily looked away. "It wasn't exactly-" Her face got all screwed up; The blood that dripped on her face in that cold, sick, cellar came back to her. James pulled her into another hug and sat beside her. She did not cry, she just sat there, pain etched on her face, curling up, defeated.

"It's okay. It's okay."

"I know." she sighed."No- I don't know. They said things. Made plans." she paused. "I know things; they'll come after me. They were after me anyway. They were planning on wiping out all the non-pure wizards. All of them. Even the children."

"No. No that won't happen. There's Aurors for that sort of thing-"

"James-"

"Lily. It will be okay."

She screwed up her face again. And hugged him back.

"James, I heard what you said-"

Mrs. Potter ran through the curtain walls. Stopped- Shocked and ripped Lily out of James arms.

"My girl. My lily." She cried, "Are you okay?" Tears leaked from her eyes. "Lily, oh, darling." Sirius shuffled in, out of breath.

"I'm okay. I'm all okay, now." Lily said, hugging Mrs. Potter back.

She didn't let go of Lily for a while, Not until Healer Dorian joined them.

"You're going to have to stay the night so we can check that you're alright." he flipped through the clipboard. "And, though you've been sleeping the past few days-"

"Days?-"

"You'll need to get a good nights rest." he sat a small vial by the desk. "This should keep your muscles from cramping. So glad to see you well." he patted her shoulder. "May I ask what did it."

Lily refrained from blushing. "I just woke up."

The healer nodded and wrote something on his clipboard, said, "Visiting hours are over in twenty minutes," and left.

"Well, darling, you should be lying down." Mrs. Potter tucked her in. "Sirius, get her some tea, will you please?" she said rosily.

"Thank you." Lily said as Sirius got up and left.

Mrs. Potter talked to her about what tests would happen in the morning and how they would arrive straight away to pick her up.

"We should be going now." Mrs. Potter said as the ward's lights went down. "Goodnight, darling." Mrs. Potter kissed her forehead. A surge of love pounded inside Lily's heart, she almost cried, at all the attention Mrs. Potter had given her.

"Goodnight, mum." She said proudly. Mrs. Potter nodded to Sirius.

"'Night Lil." He clapped one of her shoulders.

James walked up to her side as Sirius walked away. She looked at him expectatly. He kissed her cheek. "I Love you." he whispered, "and I will never hesitate to admit it, ever again."

She looked at him for a minute, sad and happy at the same time. "Thank you."

* * *

_He doesn't mean it like a brother. _

_ha. Dr. Dorian. I bet no one got that._

_So, thank you guys for all your reviews. I think 100th reveiwer should get some sort of special gift.  
WOOO!_


	30. The curious feeling of dancing

DISCLAIM.

Oh man. another chapter!

_This is a cute chapter I enjoyed writing it._

* * *

**Chapter 30: The curious feeling of dancing**

Lily was back home in enough time to pack. Tests kept her at the hospital a few hours later than expected. Then Mr. Potter insisted on stopping for ice cream. James and Lily shared a smile at the table they had once shared before. Everything was a riot when they got home. Mrs. Potter had baked a cake and they laughed at the table until nightfall. When she arrived back in her room she didn't expect a trunk to be sitting on her bed. She had to confirm the date with a passing house elf and then sleepily place everything half-heartedly into her trunk. She crawled under the covers and drempt wild dreams of fire and running children, and woke unrested.

Lily jumped off the train step and landed one foot then the next, with swinging arms. Hardly before she landed Remus pounced and swept her into a hug spinning her around.

"I've missed you." he cried.

"I saw you last night." she laughed at his enthusiasm.

"I've just _missed_ you." he said sincerely, setting her down.

James walked up beside them. "Come on you lot. We've got classes tomorrow. And we've got to unpack-"

"-And maybe start a party!" Sirius threw one arm up in the air and sprinted, in one of his moods of excitement. "The return of the marauders!" he turned, sprinting backwards. James ran after him. Remus grabbed Lily's hand pulling her along, and they all jogged, laughing back to the castle. Warm feelings of Christmas and home filled Lily's heart and she picked up her pace, racing after James and Sirius whole heartedly. Remus' hand slipped from her own, she beckoned him on and passed up James. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her behind him as they entered the grounds. Sirius was already inside the great doors and with a victorious jump he disappeared into the great hall. Lily quickly picked up her pace and jumped on James' back. Taking him down. She quickly got up and ran into the shelter of the great oak doors. Attempted a triumphant heel click, and was quickly followed by Remus, who picked her up and spun her around. They laughed. James entered slowly, his face dripping, he walked up to them both, and shoved a bunch of snow in Lily's face. It was so cold it burned. She wiped it off and threw the remnants at his back but, to no avail as he ran up the large staircase towards the dorm.

Lily and Remus walked back to their dorm stopping twice to say hello to Peter and then Olivia. Both asked how their holiday was and they silently agreed on "uneventful," and "fine." Lily felt distanced to everyone when she unpacked in her dorm room. They chattered around her and seemed to move at a different speed. Her mind felt empty as she preformed her mindless task. The Girls soon filtered down to dinner. Lily wasn't hungry. She began to wonder meaningless thoughts and suddenly felt tired and sad. She wasn't even sure she was sure why, But she put on her pyjamas and crawled under her covers. She didn't remember putting the portraits beside her bed. James, Mrs. Potter, herself, Mr Potter and Sirius waved back at her from their garden, next to her silent black and white portrait of her mother and father and ex-sister and self sitting bored at a studio for their pictures. Suddenly she burst into tears beside her bed.

Lily randomly remembered that they were gone. She thought about if her new and amazing family were upsetting her parents, somewhere. She thought about how selflessly they all loved her. Her mother seemed just as loving as Mrs.Potter. Mr. Potter was just as fatherly as her father. But James definitely loved her, and she was sure Petunia did not.

The last few years they had been on the rocks. She suspected Petunia of jealousy, however, she must have handled it poorly. Lily was quite sure petunia out-right hated her. James loved her. She would always have James. She had Remus, too. Sirius was more like a dog in his affections. Ready to play and love but not really an acknowledged part of the family as the people in it were. But James- She hugged her pillow for comfort. James- Why did she always come back to James.

She stopped crying but fell asleep with salty eyes, and drempt in black and white like a family video of things that never happened but could have. If James were her brother not Petunia. Some how Mr. and Mrs. Potter were there in that surreal dreamy way they were her grandparents or something. Llife changed oddly. Sirius was there and then he wasn't. Then once a light brown Labrador reminded her of him. But Remus wasn't there, she didn't notice until she woke up. Near the end of her dream of comforts she drempt of dancing, it was at the gala, but it wasn't. Her sleeves were long and white. She couldn't see anything spinning around her as she danced. James, held her close, tight. Why would she think it was James? She thought after she woke up and then promptly forgot it all.

But the feeling of dancing stayed with her and followed her throughout the day mysteriously, though she had forgotten the dream.

* * *

_Whadda ya think?_


	31. Conspiracies

DISCLAIM

_AN_: I've been working on a Doctor Who fic, but it hasn't slowed me down, seeing as I've got one chapter left to go and all. . .

Anyway, if you like the Doctor and Rose then you can check that one out, but otherwise I recomend this chapter, yo; Big things are unravelling. . .

* * *

**Chapter 31: Conspiracies**

"Black."

Sirius turned on his heel at the spitting of his name. Half-way down the corridor was Snivellus.

"What's wrong with the mud-blood." He stated. Sirius slowly felt for his wand, anger rising in her face.

"Watch your mouth snivellus." they stared with hatred in their eyes for a moment then at exactly the same time, they shouted "Expelliarmus." Both their wands flipped though the air. Sirius' flew behind himself, Snape's fell forward. He made a mad dash for it. Sirius dashed at Snape instead of his wand. His fist met the bridge of Snape's nose before his hand met his wand. They tumbled backward four or five feet. Sirius pinned him on the ground. His forearm across his neck. Snivellus' face turned red. He spat in Sirius' face. Sirius didn't even flinch as it hit his forehead, He had a plan formulating in his mind. "We'll settle this once and for all, sniv," he spoke through his teeth. "Whomping willow after dark."

Sirius let him go. Picking up his wand as he stalked away, leaving Snape to rub his neck and brood.

* * *

School was back in session, as usual. Assignments and projects seemed tedious. Lily did everything with Remus. James was gone more than before. She noticed now, the reason she never saw James was that he was just never around, anywhere. All though, people_ had_ stopped following him when he was.

Often on the weekends they all disappeared between six and seven and she never saw them go up to their dorms at night. They were very good at hiding whatever they were doing.

Remus, went to the library to give back a book, soon after Sirius and James claimed they were going to bed. She slipped under a blanket in a armchair in a shadowy corner of the room, facing away from the main area, and waited. . .

"Pete," Sirius said as he threw his books and bag on his bed, James followed suit.

Peter was laying on his bed writing something, and looking through several book at the same time.

"Mate," James said, happily, "You're coming tonight?"

"I 'dunno. I'm still having trouble transforming, and I've got a lot of work to catch up on." He said, not taking his eyes off the book.

"We haven't seen you in weeks!" Sirius said, shuffling through his school books.

"Yeah, and you didn't go last month either," James pulled his shimmering cloak out of his trunk. "Come on." he said.

"No, I really can't," he said.

"If you need help mate-" Sirius prompted

"We're here," James said, kindly.

"Thanks, maybe later." Pete said.

"What're you working on?" James wondered.

"Transfiguration Essay." he held up a book.

"Oh, here mate, " James pulled a book out of his trunk, "This one's real handy, chapters four and five."

"I'm taking a nap before we go I'm knackered." Sirius said as he plopped down on his bed.

"I'll help you out, mate," James sat next to Peter, "I've still got to finish mine anyways."

"Thanks." Pete said sadly.

* * *

Oh dear. what's goin' on Petie? you hidin' somethin'?


	32. The incident at the Whomping Willow

DISCLAIM

_AN_: I'm kind of worried that I won't have anyone that wants to finish reading this after saturday. Allthough I'm also excited and my emotions will be going all over the place all week. how fun!

So here's a huge chapter, depth, not length wise.

* * *

Chapter 32

Hours later, under the cover of blanket and night Lily distinctly heard footsteps walk calmly into the room. They paused.

"Okay," James' voice said.

Another pair of feet joined him, they hopped out of the common room quickly. Lily jumped out of her chair to follow. She listened through the canvas of the fat lady, and heard them walking away. She slipped out, and heard them going down the stairs. She followed, hiding behind statues and suits of armor. She never saw them but she heard them walking. They made their way all the way past the greenhouses and up to the large, and usually shivering tree that Lily knew as the Whomping Willow. It peacefully waved in the night's wind, asleep.

Suddenly, from behind a different smaller more docile tree she saw them uncloak and appear from nowhere. She forgot she was hiding and gasped. James turned his wand on the tree. She was about to slip out from behind it, revealing herself shamefully, when she heard Severus Snape's voice from behind her. He was feet away. She tucked in her stomach and tried to angle herself away from both James and Snape.

"Potter." he said, annoyed and annoying. "What's going on here?"

"Snape," James called him by his real name. "Get back,_ now_."

"It's okay," he said, trying to be cool, "Sirius invited me."

James' voice was full of rage; "WHAT?" he snarled.

"Mate," Sirius said, sounding uncharacteristically like a wounded puppy, "I didn't think he would come."

"That's no-" He fumbled with words and turned back to Snape "You are in danger. Go. Back. NOW." He screamed. Lily was frightened by his rage and whatever he would save even Snape from.

"Mate," Sirius worried. "It's-" she couldn't see what was going on.

"Go Severus! NOW!" James shouted. He stepped forward. His wand light landed on the side of lily's face. She cringed guiltily. She couldn't see the expression on his face, but she had never heard a sadder man, when he said her name.

That was all he said.

She felt a need to fumble an explanation- But there came a loud _Bark_ and two large dogs were running at her from below the tree, which now swung wildly. James pushed her down and she watched his wand light hit the ground as he pounced at Snape. The dogs ran past lead by a dee that seemed to come from nowhere, and she looked up to the suddenly calm night, as they howled in the distance. James was gone. Snape lay motionless on the ground.

Lily burst out in tears, guilty for following James and causing the hurt in his voice and worried for what had become of him. His wand lay beside her, it's tip was still lighted. He was gone. The dogs could have carried him off into the woods. They seemed ferocious. She sat there crying for a while. Then, after she calmed, she paced around with her tears dried but still sobbing. She could only think to take Snape to the hospital wing. They both should get inside; the dogs were still out here. She picked up James' wand and tucked it into her robe after mumbling "nox," to turn it off. Severus was heavier than she expected, but she managed to drag him into the Main hall. There she collapsed, sobbing, but safe, until Madame Pomfrey found them there.

No one asked her any questions, she was only escorted to the hospital wing by Madame Pomfrey. Dumbledore had appeared and was levitating Snape awkwardly into a bed. Madame Pomfrey laid her in a bed and pulled some blood and leaves from her hair. She hadn't felt any pain at all, she didn't know she was hurt. Madame Pomfrey gave her a medicine and she drifted off quickly into a dreamless sleep and woke without feeling as though she had slept at all. Guilt still floating in her chest and worry aching in her head.

* * *

oh. my. gosh.

EEEEEeeeeee!


	33. Dumbledore explains everything! kidding

DISCLAIM

_AN_: iEEEEEEeeeeee harry potter in 4 days!

Loooooong chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 33 : the scene where dumbledore explains everything.**

She blinked. Sun beat down on her suddenly. Wasn't it just night? No- no she was just sleeping. Memories flooded into her mind. She sat up. James was right there, blank face, blank stare. She was amazed, she thought he was gone, carried off into the woods by wild animals. Possibly dead.

"What happened." she felt herself beginning to hyperventilate. She looked around wildly for answers. Remus was sitting up in the bed next to her. She looked at James questioningly. He ruffled his hair and sighed.

"I think we all have something to tell you." He said. Sirius was sitting beside James, looking guiltily out the window with a small bandage across his forehead. Remus got out of his bed and sat at the foot of hers. She felt oddly suffocated, and when Remus reached for her hand she pulled away.

"Lily." James, started but didn't finish.

She put her hands up to her head, trying to calm herself. "Just tell me what's going on." feeling as though she had drempt the whole thing, and hoping she hadn't been asleep for more than one night, this time.

James turned to watch Madame Pomfrey disappear into her office. "Muffliato" he mumbled, pointing his wand lazily.

"Lily-" James started again. That was all he could think to say. He couldn't even begin to explain.

Remus started. "I-We would have told you but we didn't want you to worry," She looked back at him blankly. "Or get hurt." he looked away from her, "I'm a werewolf." He looked for a reaction on her face but she didn't move a muscle. "I go through the willow to the shrieking shack when the moon is full. James and Sirius have been helping me. They're- um- and you can't tell anyone because we would all be kicked out-"

"Do you think I would?"

"No." He waited.

James felt a need to explain this part. "We're Animagi." he said simply.

Lily was a bit surprised at this, and could only say, "No you're not."

James laughed despite the dire situation. "Yes, we are."

"That's highly dangerous and very advanced, and I don't think you are." she said, accusing and upset. But, before she could even blink Sirius hopped out of his chair and in one fluid motion laid on her lap as a huge black dog, panting.

"No way." She actually smiled. "That's amazing!" she patted his head, he licked at her arm. "Wow." She beamed at him, "Sirius? Is that you?"

He barked.

Snape stirred in the bed next to them.

The dog slid back into the seat and this time Lily watched carefully as he morphed into Sirius, sitting cockily in his chair.

"You too?" she asked James.

He sighed and checked over his shoulder before awkwardly standing four legged as a stag, taking up twice as much room. She petted his long nose, "I suddenly feel like Snow White."

He changed back again, less fluidly than Sirius.

"So, this is what you have been doing." she said without emotion. "I don't know what to say. I'm a little upset at you breaking the law" she began to scold, "you could have been expelled or arrested!" she said to Sirius and James. "How come you never told me? I wouldn't have told." she let the hurt slip out into her voice. "Do you not trust me?"

"We wanted to protect you." James said quickly. "I swear I'd trust you with my life."

She nodded, "okay." She turned to Remus, "And you're- you're . . . "

He shook his head, slightly. She could only see his profile. He faced out the window. Lily figured this would be a touchy subject, and expected nothing more from him.

"YOU!" All their heads snapped to Snape, "you- you-" he struggled. "You, um. You-" he pointed at Remus, and smiled evilly. "Ha. I know what you are and you'll never see this school again. Ha! And you two. You-"

Madame Pomfrey came out of her office rubbing her ears, Lily saw James fiddle with his wand and mumble. She stopped fiddling with her ear and walked up to them all.

"Headmaster wants a word with you all."

They sat silently and watched her go. Eventually Dumbledore came in, silent and solemn. For a moment he just looked at them all.

"Well, First and foremost I am relieved as to all of your safety. This was a very dangerous trick. And you are all very lucky Mr. Snape was there to save you." He turned his head and winked at James whose facial expression remained guilty. "However I am disappointed in you all. Points will be deducted from all of your houses, for sneaking out past hours. No objections Mr. Snape?" Snape's mouth hung open. "And you will all be serving detentions under Mr. Filtch."

"Now, I believe, I'll be needing a private word with Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Lupin." They stood and were led into the hallway.

"I bet they're in a lot of trouble."

"Shut-up, _Snivellus_."

* * *

Sirius, James, Remus, and Lily walked back to the common room Sunday afternoon idly.

"So, what did he want?" Lily asked James, taking his arm and pulling up beside him. He looked very serious since he came back.

"He knows." James said. "He said he could get us registered with the ministry and a pardon." He looked down at Lily. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I really didn't- It's really Remus' secret and we had no right to say anything. It was for the best that we protect you."

"Protect me from what?" She looked at Sirius who had been quiet for a long time, when no one would answer her. She didn't want to ask Remus directly but, "What?" She touched his arm, to attract his attention because he watched the floor. He looked up at her and stopped walking, she stopped with him. James and Sirius looked back, but continued on.

"Lily. . ."

She beant down to look him in the eyes, because his gaze had drifted off to the floor again. He snapped back up, and she could see tears in his eyes.

"Lily. I love you." or not? She was confused but he continued on anyway. "Don't respond to that. I don't want to know if you do love me, because-" He sighed "That will make this twice as hard."

Deep inside she felt like bursting into tears, but she just, could not.

"I don't want to do this but I have to. I love you and if I could; I'd marry you. But, no matter what I'd still be a werewolf. Do you get where I'm going with this?"

She just stared back at him.

"You would always be in danger. I would always feel terrible. I'm never going to be able to get a job. I_ can't_ stay with you forever so there's no point in loving you like _this_. It's a danger to you. So, I think this should be over." he said.

Lily was in shock. Everything else in the world suddenly seemed to have a reason she could understand and was objective. There was evidence. Here there was none. It felt like a dream, there was a way in his demeanor that said werewolf, But in no way could she imagine harm coming from him. It felt like some elaborate lie. But he looked at her and she saw the horribly complex life he lived. Why he was so lovely and kind, and sought approval from everyone. He was a liar, and he was sorry for it. He was a monster, but he would never allow himself to become all monster, he would never hurt or harm or put anyone in danger, not ever as Remus Lupin. All because he couldn't help being a monster one night a month. But he could be Remus every other day and he made every other day as perfect as he could. She knew all that perfect had to have a down fall.

"Right."

* * *

So, get ready for the next adventure!. . .

:(


	34. is filled with lies!

****

_"I'm Sorry. I can't compete with that._

_This story is probably done and finished._

_(Unless I am thoroughly overpowered)_

_I hope you all enjoyed book 7 as much as I did."_

**LIES.**

**Let's do this thang anyway, huh? We're only a little AU.**

* * *

10/21/2008

Well, I just went through and re-edited and changed A LOT.

The whole thing reads much better and we're not really very AU at all! I'm surprised, and delighted!

I can't believe this started TWO years ago. It's some of my best writing still, I was entranced while writing it, and quite proud.

I'm gonna write up some more chapters.

I've got the rest of the plot outlined.

SHOW ME SOME LOVE!

(I bet no one still watches this story. hahaha)


	35. The whole world

DISCLAIM

Well, I think a few of you are glad to know I'll be continuing on ANYWAY!

yipeee! right? I hope so. Becuase I'm dealing with post-book grief, and trying to get on with my life while finishing a very long story. so, here. . .

* * *

**Chapter 35: In which the whole world changes this time**

Lily looked out her window into the Potter's Garden. The world was very different. It was changing rapidly. Everyday gloomier than before. It hardly seemed possible. When she was at school it was sunny and bright. She felt as if Hogwarts was a different world all together, Removed from the daily tragedy and lurking fog. The sun hadn't shown for days and some mysterious green fog loomed over the whole world. She was perpetually worried.

Just a week ago she was sitting under the beech tree by the lake with the marauders in the sunshine, laughing, free from exams, and okay with life. No thought had crossed her mind about wars and creatures running free throughout the country. Every moment she felt like something was lurking in the shadows right out of eye sight. There were no adventures this summer. Sirius and James mostly talked in hushed voices. The Daily Prophet came everyday bringing grave headlines. Many people had died in this war. Massacres all over the place. Just last week, one day after the school was emptied of all the students, Hogsmede had been attacked. Many shops she knew burned to the ground, along with familiar names. She had nightmares of the fires.

There was talk of a secret retaliation against this mysterious enemy. Talk not only amongst the most daring articles in the paper, but in hushed voices around her own home.

Mr. Potter was Minister of Magic. She hardly ever saw him anyways, and now she was wondering if he did in fact live in the ministry. She thought she was only imagining this until Mrs. Potter said worriedly one night at dinner, "I do hope de comes home soon, He's been gone four whole days. Work will kill him."

At which point James looked up and said exasperated, "Please, don't say that."

Mrs. Potter could only sigh and remove his untouched plate from the dinning table.

Mrs. Potter had also been coughing a lot. "Sick with worry," she had said, but Lily did not believe her. Neither did James.

"Lils?" Came a voice from behind her.

She turned around to see James, but she didn't feel a need to say anything. Or maybe she thought idly, that there was nothing left to say.

"Er-" he stood halfway through the door awkwardly, "Can I come in?"

Lily nodded. He walked slowly up beside her.

He didn't say anything for a while, they just looked out the window at the slowly disappearing garden.

"Mum's sick." he said finally.

"I know." Lily said quietly.

"She won't admit it." James said voice hollow. "She's still in bed, says she's just a bit tired, but I sent after a healer anyway. He's in there with her now."

Lily nodded, solemnly.

"It's worse than I thought." she said finally, nodding out the window.

"It's just fog." he said.

"Not the fog." Lily said, tiredly. "The world. The war. They are after everyone, not just muggle-borns."

"You're safe." James said, he took her hand.

"You aren't."

"I'm not?" he said.

"You father is Minister of Magic and leading the fight against them-"

"You know," James changed the subject, because he knew, "People are afraid to say His name."

"Afraid of his _name?_"

"I suppose it holds some power now, but it will only increase fear of Voldemort himself."

"You say it."

"I'm not afraid."

She shook her head. He was stupid, sometimes. She assumed it came from his lack of fear.

James had been wondering, for five months, when they were going to come next. He knew they were after him. He was the key to his father. His mother was a key. Lily was a key. Even Sirius. He had no doubt they would come again. He was on guard day and night, He was on edge and ready to fight. Dumbledore had spoken to them- not as they had told lily, about their Animagi. But, About the fight, the war, and the resistance. In two weeks time James would be of age. Sirius and Lily already were. Dumbledore spoke of a resistance, and how they all risked their lives, Minister included. He asked, as woefully as possible, if James and Sirius could be of assistance. Animagi were helpful, and while the tasks were dangerous, they would be fighting, and James could not sit idly around as his family quickly became a very large target.

* * *

Well, I'm slowly getting a plot on this next part done so it might be a little while.

10/21/08: Okay, I'm seriously getting on this, okay, y'all?


	36. Profound

Disclaim.

_I am absolutely ecstatic about working on this story. I've gone through and edited the WHOLE thing, just to help it flow and make more sense. I can't beleive how I'm still proud of the writing in this after 2 years._

* * *

**Chapter 36: Profound**

During the days of Mrs. Potter's sickness Lily learned something essential.

Mrs. Potter had been in bed for two days when Mr. Potter came home from work early, in the midst of the war, to stay with her. They didn't speak at all; Mr. potter just sat slowly on the chair beside her, and looked at her. This was no behaviour Lily had witnessed in any relationship. Remus and herself, as well as her parents, had always passed a kiss in greeting, or held hands during quiet moments. Her gaze and Remus' were always openly longing and loving.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter made no gestures, they just looked at each other in unspoken unpublicized communication, and yet Lily felt a need to leave the room as if she were seeing something very personal. She didn't sit outside the room for very long before James came to join her.

Lily felt an odd brewing of emotions. She felt elated at having just witnessed true love, and tragic for watching it under such strain. Her throat constrained with tears of happiness and hurt, but she just stared beyond the wall before her. The familiar ache of love for the Potters as her family was there. The hole where Remus used to be came into focus but seemed dull in comparison to the love between the Potters.

Then something surprising came into focus the quiet, calm presence of James. So comfortable and wonderful, he had gone from enemy to family; and now lily could feel the painful connection she had developed to him. Her existence revolved around his. Sitting in the hallway at this insignificant moment she felt profoundly grateful for James Potter.

He looked to see why she was suddenly staring at him, and was not surprised when she started tearing up though she didn't look sad.

His gaze moved her to speak her thoughts, "Have you ever felt like you were in the presence of true love?"

"She's Gone." The healer said softly.

Lily's heart fell with a dead thump into her stomach, grief rolled painfully through her veins. It hurt too much to cry but the tears came anyway, doubling her over with sobs. James cried unashamedly. The minister's stoic face was devastatingly fractured, visibly struggling against a sob. The healer took Mrs. Potter from the room. Mr potter followed stiffly. Lily pulled James into a hug and didn't let him go for several days.

Mrs. Potter's funeral was small and private. The war had been making it difficult for anything in their family. It was dangerous for Mr. Potter to travel home from work because the floo system was corrupted. The funeral was the last place James had seen his father in weeks, or his bodyguard. After the funeral, Frank, Mr. Potter's new Bodyguard had given James his condolences.

And a note.

It read simply and vaguely in it's round hand:

You are courageous James. You are also in danger. You can help. Send a word by owl.

-Dumbledore.

"Send _a_ word?" Sirius questioned the authenticity f the letter, "I think Dumbledore knows his grammar better than that."

"I think he means simply write yes or no." James snapped.

No one believed it at first. It must be a hoax, or a trap. But, they were hurt and they needed to take action. James especially was growing restless with worry, grief, and fear.

"I need to do this!" He shouted to Lily, "Look at what's going on around us and tell me that we shouldn't do anything about it!"

"It's dangerous," her voice broke, "we're still in school."

"We're of age!"

"Hardly."

"Lily," he kneeled in front of her stealing away both of her hands in one of his, "Lily. I can not just let this go on. We are in danger weather or not we help the rest of the world. I am joining."

Lily stared stubbornly at him for a long time willing him to change his mind. She began feeling selfish and sorry under his subservient gaze. "I can't let you go by yourself."

He kissed her hands.

"Old Married couple," Sirius muttered.

* * *

Please prove to me that you're still reading this : _Review!_


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